Day 385. 193 pounds lost.
Last Saturday I was running around doing my usual weekend activities; car wash and grocery shopping when I received a call from the man that would have been my gastric bypass surgeon. He explained that he was attending a medical conference; one of the topics being Bariatric Surgery. Every month a room of surgery hopefuls are required to attend an introductory meeting that gives every new patient a rundown of what the surgery is and provides a checklist of the process. Most of the time there is always a surgery success story; someone is there to provide their testimony about how great the surgery was while all of the hopefuls stare in awe hoping that one day it will be them standing up there. This surgeon wanted to try something different. To provide as much objectivity as possible, I was invited to come and speak to this room about why NOT to get the surgery. I knew it would be an easy topic for me to talk about but I only received a three-hour notice. Thank God I was showered and had a face on; all I had to do was change my clothes, but that didn’t alleviate my concerns about what the heck I was going to say? I asked him how many people were there and he stated, “There is a room full of people.” I told him I would be there and was excited, but when I hung up the phone, I was struck with immediate panic. It’s one thing to tell your story to a computer screen and put it out to the world. It’s another to climb up on a stage and say something meaningful enough in hopes that one of them might opt for a safer alternative; all the while their faces staring at you.
I drove out to Minneapolis and arrived at the meeting location. I was led into the conference room; I was horrified when I saw there were more than just a “few” people there. There were hundreds. No doubt many of them were just like me back in January of 2015. I was going to start off the New Year right and get a grip on my growing weight problem. Since I had convinced myself that surgery was the only way I was begrudgingly sitting in this chair trying to get this first tedious step out of the way. As I looked into the crowd of people, I almost wondered what I would have looked like sitting there two years ago. It wasn’t excitement on their faces; it was concern, worry, desperation. Uggg….. yep, I probably had that look on my face too.
Long story short, the talk went well. At least I think so. The room was given my contact information, and so far in the last week, four people have reached out. I’m not sure I qualify as the greatest teacher, but I’m honored I can help in even the smallest ways. My home once a week for an hour in the evening will now be a support group for these fantastic people that decided they wanted to try and buckle down and do it on their own. One of them is very scared, and if you’re reading this, I know you are, but I promise you this will be one of the most fulfilling and amazing things you do. You are going to learn SO much about life and yourself.
My first piece of advice was this: Move on. Look backward for the last time. Accept and acknowledge where you’re at and make peace with it. Forgive yourself for the 1000 times you failed and decide to get up and move forward. It sounds easier than it is because we all like to kick ourselves while we’re down. We’re harder on ourselves than anyone else. I started with a few things: develop an attitude of faith, be grateful for what you have, learn to keep things in perspective, decide that you’re going to take one day at a time, and work on moving on; letting go of past hurts so that you can freely walk forward. It’s not going to happen in one day, but remember what I just said, one day at a time.
Remember, this time will redefine you, but how it redefines you is up to you. “Life is too short to stay where we are” – Matt Kearny.
Lovingly,
Bean
