Day 433. 203 pounds lost.
The last week was overwhelming for me but exciting at the same time. During my interview with CrossFit HQ, I was asked a straightforward question, “How is your life now, versus when you started.” Although every answer was swimming around in my head, I couldn’t spit anything out. I sat there staring at him wanting to spew out all the thousands of things that are different, but all I felt were tears spilling down my face. It’s not that I had never pondered this question or that it hadn’t gone through my mind before. But I think at that moment while I was looking around at this gym that had become my home, it was hard for me to even fathom the number of differences between my life today and one just a little over a year ago.
The fact I can do all of my own running around and house chores is crazy enough for me to think about let alone the sheer amount of physical things that I can do now. I would run out of room on this blog talking about all those things. It’s not just about “feeling” better, its physically being able to get out of my house and LIVE. Sometimes I just don’t have enough vocabulary to describe that.
The guy that was here doing the filming asked some very thoughtful questions. To be honest, I hadn’t thought about many of them. Life simply evolved. One of them was the question about these canes I used to leave all over the house so that I could have something to brace my body against the minute I left the comfort of my stable kitchen counters. As I was holding one of these canes, I saw flashbacks of me trying to walk with these things, and I felt the pain in my legs as if it were yesterday. There were days I was crying with snot rolling out of my nose as I tried to stumble around wondering when the pain was going to stop. These memories echoed around in my head as I sat there staring at these for the first time since they got put away. I had forgotten. How could I have, it wasn’t even that long ago? It brought a level of gratitude I had never experienced before.
I feel unbelievably blessed today remembering some of these life experiences that got me right here. I have no idea what the result of this interview will be. What parts will they keep and how will it flow or come together? I have no clue. I will be surprised like everyone else. I won’t even get to see a cut before it airs, so I’m a bit nervous about that. However, the simple fact I can share my life with others is a blessing, and I’m grateful. I wonder how many people out there are just like I was: scared of being judged, scared that they won’t have the support and more importantly, afraid to just….. open the door. If my story can help one person – mission accomplished.
My definition of living a good life has changed, and maybe that’s because I am changing. I don’t care about a big house or fancy cars, and probably no more “things” that will clog up the house I just purged. I have said this before, but life is about “experiences.” My goals have nothing to do with acquiring STUFF. It’s all about acquiring those experiences that will help me be just a tad better than I was yesterday. In one year from now, I want to look back and say to myself, “holy shit look how far you’ve come”!
That’s my definition of a good life, and I’m grateful I’m right here, right now.
Lovingly,
Bean.
