Joy. | Week 72 Weight Loss

Day 515. 209.5 pounds lost.

And so it begins. I enter the last week of quite possibly the most miserable job I’ve ever had. Five more days and I am choosing to walk away. It took much thought to come to this decision, and I’m not taking it lightly. There is obviously a bit of nervousness leaving “stability,” but then again, if you are somewhere you don’t belong, it doesn’t feel very “stable.”  

The Athena of two years ago would have stayed and made the best of it. I did that so many times in life, always saying, “it will get better”… or…. “he will change.” I could apply to this to a handful of sucky situations. People stay in conditions that cause misery all the time for a number of reasons.  I know I did.

Reason #1 – I settled. Sometimes knowing the life I had (even though it might have sucked) was better than the unknown. What if the alternative is worse?

Reason #2 – Fear. Fear of failing, fear of being judged, ridiculed, fear of now knowing what I would do or where I would go.  Fear of losing security and the comfort of familiarity.

Reason #3 – I got comfortable with misery. That’s right! Pain happened so much I damn near got used to just feeling shitty all the time.  I got to the point where I believed that it wasn’t going to get any better no matter what I did.

Reason #4 – Codependency. This could mean a lot of things. I have been co-dependent in previous relationships, and I was also co-dependent on money which forced me to stay in situations I didn’t like.

Reason #5 – No Hope. It’s hard to jump ship when you’ve mentally already given up.

Reason #6 – No way out. This is subjective because that’s just a feeling of being trapped and this boiled down to me not having the help, encouragement, and inner strength to do it. Although many times I did a great job of blaming that on other people.   

Whether it’s a love relationship, friendship, or a job – if it makes you unhappy it’s a dysfunctional partnership. The Athena two years ago probably would have counted all the reasons to stay, but I find myself counting all the reasons to leave and honestly I couldn’t be happier.

 I leave with nothing more than a simple vision of what’s possible with a few solid months of focus and heart. I’ve already seen rock bottom’s basement…. I have zero fear.    

I see so many people right now play the victim card all the time. Every single choice we make good or bad is our own.  Whether it’s the life you want or not – you are responsible for how things are right now. Not abuse you suffered as a kid, now how you were treated growing up, not your background, YOU! If you are overweight, eat right and move more. It’s not some obese gene or how you were raised or some other excuse you might be able to find. Trust me; I used them…. They won’t get you anywhere. If you’re trapped or stuck in a relationship, I will ask this: Does someone have you handcuffed in the basement? Then I call Bullshit.  Walk AWAY.

Nope – it’s not easy. I’ve walked away from plenty of things that made me miserable but looking back it was the best decision I ever made. I intend to make this week’s decision just another one to add to the list.

I choose…. Joy.

Lovingly,

Bean