Right on Time | Week 66 Weight Loss

Day 475. 206 pounds lost.

I found the month of March and most of April to be quiet. I had withdrawn from many of my normal social media activities; bored with Facebook and Instagram I retreated to the comfort of my home and spent quite a bit of time reading and doing things around the house. My work schedule had changed dramatically, and this played a huge role. So many things had changed for me since the beginning of the year, and I found myself in a constant state of adjusting to a new normal all the time. I always considered myself to be resilient and able to adapt to change quickly, but many of the life changes had all happened far too quickly. Because my brain only allows me to process one thing at a time a part of me just mentally shut down.

When Crossfit HQ was done with the filming for a video they were doing, I think this was the final cherry on the cake for me. When the cameras were gone, it finally hit me what I had just done, and the reality that parts of my life never discussed before with others brought anxiety that I didn’t know how to process.  All I thought about for several weeks was what people might think. Social media can be a cruel place, and I kept thinking, “oh my gosh there might be some haters; why…. I’m not sure, but it could happen.” For several weeks I paced around my house not knowing when the video might come out. I finally had to just push it out of my brain, but even then I didn’t feel like myself.

I felt burnt out. By early March it had been over 15 months, and I was going 100 miles an hour, and I finally crashed. It wasn’t because of my workouts or training or people, but I was tired. My time at the gym went from 5 days a week down to 2, and there was a part of me that simply wanted to be left alone for awhile so I could process and work on personal non-weightloss goals for a bit. It wasn’t completely wasted time though because I was still working on myself through thank you cards, meditation, daily reading, daily devotionals and all of the normal activities. The world was still and very peaceful while I reflected and thought about how I was going to keep moving forward and where this energy would come from. The weather in Minnesota wasn’t helping so I started loading up on Vitamin D. Maybe I just needed some sunshine?

About two weeks ago I finally decided that I needed to get my butt back to the gym 5 days a week. I had taken enough downtime where I felt I was able to get back on the horse full time once again. During this same week, I had also received some incredible news that a personal financial milestone I had been working on would finally be achieved. I felt like a one hundred pounds of pressure was released in a matter of days, and I was finally starting to feel myself again.

Four days ago it was another long work day. I was exhausted, and it was only 7:00 pm. I knew I wanted to try and do the morning 5:30 Crossfit class, so I needed to go to bed early. About this time I get a text from a friend of mine telling me what an inspiration I was. I was honored at the message but completely taken by surprise at its timing because it seemed so out of the blue. I thanked her of course, but simultaneously see several texts coming into my phone from people at my gym saying several of the same kinds of things. What in the hell was going on? My friend says, “OMG Athena, I just saw the video.” My first response was…. “What video?” Then I see a link she copied into the text, and the headline said CROSSFIT. My first response was “OH MY GOD………………It just came out”. There I was in my living room sitting in the dark hugging my pillow. I kept staring at my phone; scared half to death to watch this video link. This same moment, my phone started blowing up, but I kept sending everyone to voicemail. I still had to work up the nerve to watch it, and I needed to do it by myself. I had my eyes closed as I chanted, “holy shit, holy shit,” and BAM, my finger hit the play button and I’m half watching with one eye closed.

I didn’t know it at the moment I hit play, but this video has been a GOD thing for me. There HE was…. Right on time. I was thinking the response might be bad. It was anything but……

I will follow up as soon as I get through my inbox.

Lovingly, Bean