Day 200. 136.5 pounds lost.
Day 200? Wholy shit, we’re already at day 200? #mindblown.
And then the time comes when you start upsetting a few people. I suppose I wasn’t prepared for this part of it. Everything about my life has changed in the last six months; I mean literally everything. My life coach warned me about this, and I didn’t believe her but naturally as your life changes, so may the lives of others around you not even on purpose. I found a love for myself, a love for God, and confidence to start putting myself first. People aren’t used to that. I get it.
I’ve gotten a bit of heat lately from a few people about the time I don’t spend with them or that I don’t call as much anymore or…..Uggg…. I talk about the gym alot. I love the song I’m attaching to this post because its meaning is really about the sacrifices we have to make to change. Happiness, after all, is clearly a fleeting thing; but, the purpose is what brings real joy. I’ve been forced to make countless decisions about my schedule and plans that definitely mean a sacrifice to family and friends at times along this process, and it’s been tough. But I also know that I am AM traveling this long road for the right reason; to save my life.
It was hard hearing some comments from someone in my closest circle. One of them said, “I am becoming selfish and self-absorbed.” Now I realize this comes from a place more about them than me, but I did take some time to think about my shortcomings. I get so busy being busy that I need to remember to involve the people closest to me and remember to call and just say hello. Business and workout time takes up the vast majority of my awake hours so at times my conversation topics do tend to float around these things. The things I share on social media also tend to float around these topics. On the other hand, there is a bit of truth to this. Self-absorbed means preoccupied with one’s own situation. This might actually be true. I am preoccupied – to some extent I have to be. The mental part of this sometimes pushes me to the brink every day, and every day I have to keep going. Most people don’t understand that ball of shit…… the feelings, emotions, tiredness, soreness, lack of energy, everything all wrapped up into one that sits in the pit of your stomach.
Here’s what they didn’t know. I wanted to be a better friend and a friend that would be around for a very long time. I wanted to be an Auntie that had enough energy to spend time with the kids she adores so much. I wanted to be able to spend quality time with my brothers actually getting out and doing things and not have to worry about me not being able to walk. Better yet, I didn’t want them to get a phone call saying their sister was dead. I wasn’t being selfish, I actually had many of these people in mind when I decided to make this change. I know my weight affected my relationships sometimes negatively because I was so limited in what I could do. I wanted to better myself so that I could be a better person for all of these very special people.
If you happen to be one these people reading this, I love you with all my heart. I’m sorry. I firmly believe God gave me this mountain to show others it could be moved. Forgive me……….
Lovingly,
Bean
A Reason, A Season, or A Time…. ALL people, things, emotions come into our lives for 1 (sometimes more) of those reasons. It took me having 2 strokes to pay attention. No, you’re not being selfish in the way that normally defines selfish, you’re just learning to put yourself first for a change. Hugs!!
You are so right, so right indeed. I think others on the outside have trouble because they get used to how its always been. The change can be exciting and I also understand change is hard for many people. *wink*. myself included believe it or not.