Day 155, 111 pounds lost.
With today being Sunday, I felt compelled to share something today.
I wasn’t always a firm believer in God. I always knew there was a higher power, and I considered myself spiritual, but that was the extent. I grew up with some pretty damn undesirable circumstances, and for much of my adult life, I guess you could say many of those years were filled with hard feelings. I always wondered why God would punish the good and reward the bad; at least that’s how it felt. I prayed and would get upset when it wasn’t answered. I felt abandoned quite a few times. I didn’t understand, even as a Christian, what it meant to “surrender.”
I tried to do all the same things I am doing right now many times before in my life with no success. Losing weight and working on myself was always a struggle. Some might say, “Well, maybe you weren’t ready” or “you just needed to get your head on straight.” I agree with these to a certain extent for sure, but I am convinced now more than ever that the good things in life that I am so blessed to be experiencing would not be happening had that “surrender” not been done.
I’m a type “A” personality by nature, and I like to feel like I am in control. During my miserable week before I started this journey in January, I discovered I was in control of nothing. Surrendering my future to God and praying for miracles was all I had left, I couldn’t think of anything else I could do. It was grueling, and it required intense warfare against my selfish nature to try and control everything. Letting go was one of the hardest things I ever did.
I prayed for a lot of stuff that week. I needed help losing weight the right way. I needed a support network. I prayed to meet friends. I prayed to feel better. I prayed to be able to get out of my house and do things. The list was probably a mile long. When you’re desperate, you’ll do anything. I closed my eyes and promised I would believe no matter what that the things I prayed about were on their way. I expected miracles but had no idea how they were going to manifest.
I spent most of the weekend doing things I haven’t been able to do in years, getting more steps on the Fitbit than I have in years. I thought of the amazing people I’ve met in the last several months and some of the things I am getting to do. I reflected, and I thought back on all those things I asked for. One by one, they are manifesting in ways I would never have believed six months ago.
*smile* Sure, there are some “big” prayers outstanding. I have no idea how those are coming, but I know God is working on them because he’s already proved he wouldn’t let me down. I can only imagine…..
Lovingly,
Bean
