There are days when I get my badges that I feel I’m walking on the moon. Other days like today, are just pppphhhhhhhh***. I’ve been sleepy a lot – not sure why. When the alarm goes off generally, I’m up and moving right away, but here lately all I want to do is slap the shit out of the alarm. *yawn*. As I write this, I feel tired.
I went shopping over the weekend to pick up some gym clothes. Well – something other than the yoga pants I’ve been wearing the last several years. I wanted something cute! I want something like I see on Lululemon – but nooo. They don’t make clothes like that in my size. I found myself standing there in front of the mirror in utter bewilderment staring at these active pants with flowers on them. Flowers? *hitting forehead sigh*….. There is nothing sexy about Jamaica mon’ flowers. Kokomo active pants. C’mon pretty mama that’s where I wanna go……………….. eh. {{laughing}} shit.
Anyway……….I had to go to 3 different places, but I found some duds that will work. I went to Torrid which is a bit young for me, but I managed to find a tank top that says “drop it like a squat.” Really? I mean seriously I thought it was funny, so I got it, but I have no idea what it’s going to look like when I start having to make moves that bring my bum close to the floor. I mean just knowing how gravity works and reading my shirt ought to get a good couple laughs.
Shoe shopping wasn’t better. I have flat feet with no arches to speak of so walking around in these Nike’s made me feel like I was tip-toeing around with a cactus in my shoe. I kept telling myself they just needed to be broken in. Yes…. Broken in *nod*.
Speaking of getting gym clothes. I walked into a Crossfit Gym Friday. Yep – C-R-O-S-S-F-I-T. A place I swore I would never go. This is where the beautiful are. I’m going to start working with a coach, and this happens to be where she trains so I had to see it for myself. Driving down this ridiculously long road down to the gym (felt like 100 miles) my knees are shaking like a -30-degree day in January. I could feel sweat beading up on my forehead, and I think it was the beginning of an anxiety attack. I’ve never had one but boy it’s got to feel something like that. I opened the door slowly (like it was the entrance to some sacred place) I was silent. *looking right* … *looking left*… I was hoping I could just look around but……. I got seen. *terrifying scream*. Well of course I did. {{laughing}} thank god he was nice and nobody was there. I might have run out the door. People don’t understand this kind of anxiety, but it’s real. Gyms aren’t typically safe spots for girls like me. But I’m proud of myself. I got over that fear – Friday anyway. We’ll see what happens on Wednesday. If I don’t make it out of there, my will is in my filing cabinet in my office.
