Day 237. 154 pounds lost.

I had a pivotal meeting this morning at 8:00 am at a Starbucks that I believe just changed the course and direction of my life. I’ve never been surer of anything.  I’m feverishly scribbling notes on a Starbucks wrapper because I didn’t come prepared with a notebook!? But hey, I also believe that some of the best ideas come scratched on paper napkins. I’m not ready to share this yet….. but soon.

On another note, I was with some fantastic ladies yesterday. Jokingly, I told one of them… “who is that guy in the picture you shared the other day.” She proceeded to tell me who it was and I said, “I must meet this guy.”  Again, I don’t believe I was even serious when I said it other than believing he was a nice looking guy and me being my normal foolish self. She pulled out her phone and started showing me more pictures. In my mind, I said, “Oh hell”…. Because at that moment I realized he was way out of my league. Out loud I said, “Oh god, never mind he’s way too good looking for me.” I suddenly felt like an idiot. Why did I say that out loud? Hell, let’s take that a step further and say, why did I say that at all? I will be truthful here when I say I meant it.  

Learning to love again hasn’t been that difficult. I find that I love all kinds of things about people. I fall for their smiles, their laughs, utter quirkiness.  For all the self-conscious things they hate about themselves, I adore. Loving people is easy for me to do. Where the real work comes in is loving myself. How many of us truly know how to love ourselves? I realized this simple fact when that phrase came out of my mouth – it told me that I still had much work to do. It’s a very simple premise—loving yourself. I’ve been criticized for being too simplistic, but I have found that the simple things are usually the most profound.

This journey is a voyage of self-discovery. I can’t even stress that enough. To me, it’s all about dwelling within, learning who and what I really am, and to know that I have the ability to change for the better by loving and taking care of myself. 

One of the reasons I got inked on my right arm was to remind myself that I am enough. Learning to believe that has been more difficult but I am learning. Unfortunately, many of us will not love ourselves until we lose the weight, or get the job, or get the raise, or the boyfriend, or whatever. We often put conditions on our love; lots and lots of them. Sad….. I am just as guilty.

Thank you to the nameless face on the Instagram feed that inspired me to remind myself that I am perfectly enough. Mr…. nice looking bearded fella with the amazing smile, Mr…. I make things out of reclaimed barn wood?!

*head back laughing*…. Ehh hummmm.  *cough*.

The journey is learning to love ourselves. I’m learning to love me again…

Cheers.  

Lovingly,

Bean