Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Why Belief Is the Heaviest Thing they Carry

There’s a difference between having a condition and becoming it. For far too many of our clients, obesity stopped being something they have and started becoming something they are. It no longer feels like a diagnosis. It becomes an identity and a label that hardens into reality. A story they’ve been told so often, they start believing it’s the whole truth. It becomes a story, so deeply rooted and permanent, it shapes their reality and their belief in what’s possible.

As coaches, this is the part we need to talk about. This is an unseen barrier to transformation.

the barrier you can’t program around

When obesity becomes identity, every path to change feels impossible. It’s not a lack of discipline or desire. It’s a deep-seated belief that this is simply who they are. Obesity is not a temporary challenge or a phase of life, but a final, undeniable fact.

We assume resistance means laziness, fear, or lack of discipline. But what if it’s none of those things? What if they aren’t resisting the work, but rather the identity shift it requires?

This isn’t about being politically correct. It’s about the power of language to trap someone in a version of themselves they no longer believe they can change. The power of labels to turn a condition into character, and the power we hold, as coaches, to either reinforce the cage or help them break that crap open.

the weight of a word

The journey into this identity often starts early. The first time a client hears the word “obese” might have been in a doctor’s office. It could have been on the playground or in the cafeteria. It started as a slap, but with repetition from parents, teachers, and even healthcare professionals, it took hold and began to sound like a fact.

Over time, the word moves inward. What was once “they said I’m obese” becomes “I am obese.” This isn’t a linguistic shift; it’s a psychological one. A client begins to carry it like a name tag, shaping how they walk into a room, how they shop for clothes, how they eat in public, and even how they breathe in the doctor’s office. It is no longer something they have; it is something they embody.

And once identity takes root, behavior follows. They don’t even try. Not because they don’t want to, but because they’ve already decided the outcome. When obesity becomes identity, behavior follows belief. If a person believes they are permanently and inherently defined by their size, then failure begins to feel inevitable. So they stop putting themselves in positions where failure might happen. They lower their expectations and accept less. And they do this not out of laziness or apathy, but out of a learned protection, because the pain of hope followed by disappointment is often worse than no hope at all. The world told them where their lane is, and they learned not to cross it.

beyond nutrition and workouts

If you coach people in larger bodies, you need to understand this: “You have obesity” is a condition. “You are obese” is an identity. One leaves room for change, the other becomes the cage. When a client starts to believe that obesity is who they are, not just what they’re experiencing, you’re fighting a belief system. And if you ignore that, you’ll continue to miss what’s really holding them back.

When size becomes identity, weight loss can feel like erasing yourself. It’s not about body fat; it’s about the story someone has been told, and then taught to say to themselves. If you continue to focus on nutrition and movement without addressing identity, don’t be surprised when they self-sabotage. They aren’t failing, they are fighting to survive. They are trying to protect the only version of themselves that the world or they themselves have ever allowed them to have.

This is why we see people reach for anything, no matter how extreme (surgeries, medications, pills, fads) When identity feels permanent, layered with rejection and shame, escape begins to feel like a form of survival. It’s desperation. It’s “I cannot live like this anymore.”

We must help people separate their identity from their condition. If we aren’t listening to the language our clients use about themselves or the language we use about them, we are missing the most crucial variable in the room.

That identity doesn’t just show up at the start of a journey. It can resurface in the middle of progress, leading to self-sabotage. From the outside, this appears to be a lack of consistency. But underneath that behavior is often fear, because getting smaller isn’t just a physical shift, it’s the loss of an armor that has defined who they are. When the body changes, it can feel like their entire identity is slipping away. Not because they want to fail, but because the new self doesn’t yet feel like home.

the path forward

So what does this mean for us, as coaches? It means we are stepping into a story that began long before we met our clients. We aren’t meeting a blank slate; we’re meeting someone who has likely failed more times than they’ve been encouraged, and who has every reason to believe this time will be no different.

You may not use the word “fat” or “obese,” but if your language, your tone, and your assumptions tell the same story, it will land just the same.

It begins recognizing that “obese” is a medical term layered with trauma for so many people who have lived in larger bodies. We don’t get to decide how it feels to them. We only get to decide whether we keep using it once we know better. And knowing better is the job.

Identity is shaped in layers, over time, through repetition. But it can be rewritten the same way; through new experiences, new language, and new stories. When a larger-bodied person walks into our gym, we’re not just programming for work capacity; we’re coaching their nervous system and belief system.

The moment a person begins to believe their body is not a failure but a foundation, everything shifts. They stop saying, “I am obese,” and start declaring, “I am strong.” They adopt new identities, such as “I am an athlete,” “I am a CrossFitter,” or “I am capable.” These are not just affirmations; they are acts of reclamation. And eventually, that belief becomes internal.

That is the real transformation. Not the before-and-after photo. The transformation occurs when someone begins to believe they are more than what the world has told them they are.

As coaches, when we understand that obesity is not an identity but a story our client is carrying, we are already halfway there. A diagnosis does not need to define who a person is. It may inform their experience, but it should never become their whole story.