Runaway Bride

Nick had been gone on the East coast now for over three years and it didn’t appear that he was coming home any time soon. We took turns flying; about every six weeks either I was flying to New York or he was flying to Texas. It made things exciting because it fresh and new every few weeks.

In 2006, I asked him how he felt about me moving to New York to be closer to him. He immediately became very defensive and told me “I needed to stay in Texas to finish school and work on my weight.” I could do those things anywhere, I wasn’t sure why he was so against it. It was like he was punishing me for not having the weight off and for not having my degree yet.  He started banging me on the head about school.

In 2007, I was done with the distance, and not feeling like I could make plans for our future.  I had been with Nick for almost 8 years and this man was going to put a ring on my finger or I was walking. I gave him an ultimatum; put a ring on my finger and get your ass home. He was making New York money which was damn near double salary base in Texas and I felt he was choosing money over our life.   He put a ring on my finger, but not how a girl dreams. Unconditional love. Pick us first. That’s all I wanted.  Our wedding date was set for March 8, 2009.  I was also making plans for law school. I was entering my senior year in college. Finally? I was on the ten-year plan. Studying for the LSAT’s was worse than …… I can’t think of a G-rated analogy. It sucked.

Minnesota was introduced to me during this period. I flew up with a friend on a crazy adventure weekend to visit the area and I loved it.  I told myself back in 2007 that if I ever left Texas it would be Minnesota. Little did I know, the universe was already working on that wish.  I got back and started talking to Nick about it. I really thought a new place and something different would be good for us. Needless to say, he thought I’d lost my mind.  Minnesota was out the question….. for now………. but it remained in the back of my head. For whatever reason, there was a pull to come here. I felt it.

By December of 2008, Nick was still not home. I made the decision to call off our wedding when he told me he would come home for the wedding and then fly back to New York. This was the single most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. I gave him one more year. The wedding date was reset to March 9, 2010.
As time passed, things became very dark. Nick came back to all the important stuff like when I graduated college in May 2008 but, for the most part, he was not present in my life. I felt like I was becoming this new woman on my own. I developed interests like flying, motorcycle riding, art, and graphic design without him.  Without anyone telling me what I should or shouldn’t do, or approve of my choices, or approve of my diet.  The more time marched on, knowing I was getting married made me feel weird.  We were always fighting; most of the time it was about him not being around.  I was having a hard time mentally with the wedding because I couldn’t visualize myself in my own dress.

I decided to put law school on hold for a while and instead enrolled in graduate school; to continue my education efforts in Administration of Justice and Homeland Security.

In December 2008, I met my current business partner. A random chance meeting that would change my life as I knew it, but in many ways he saved my life.  We were working on our new business and I fell in love with it. It was something so unlike anything I had ever done but for the first time, it made me happy. Happier than I had ever been.  I found joy.  It was the first time I really felt like I understood what joy was.  

Six months before our wedding, Nick finally came home in the late summer of 2009.  He had been gone nearly 7 years.  We had just celebrated our 11^th year and everything changed.

Conversations started to feel like depositions. His homecoming also came with new house rules; I was not to have my phone on between the hours of 6 pm and 10 pm. Dinner was my responsibility and it needed to be ready by 6 pm.  I needed to be up by 5 am so that we could go to the gym. I was required to go to the gym every single day. I was not allowed to go grocery shopping on my own; he wanted to be there to make sure I made the right choices. I would not be in charge of the finances, and the last word would be his because he was a lawyer and he made more money than I did. And his very final new rule. This new business venture was over. He thought it was ridiculous and childish and I was told that I needed to get my ass in law school. Period. The above rules did not come with options. It was all or nothing. I felt like he tricked me. Son of a bitch drops these rules on my head right before our wedding? I wasn’t having any of the new rules and he certainly wasn’t going to control my career choices. 

I thought hard about all those years alone. Everything was always what he wanted, how he wanted it, the speed that it happened.  I suddenly felt like my life was no longer my own.   This didn’t feel like love to me, it felt like control. We were 4 months from the wedding. Invites had already gone out and people were already booking airline tickets.

I felt horrible and I was embarrassed, but there was only one decision left for me. Who gets the houses and who gets the furniture?

We have one life, honestly to go out there and do all the things we want to do. What would you do if someone told you that you couldn’t? Maybe you’re living with a bunch of rules. The only rules you should have are the ones that you set for yourself as a guide to be a better person. Maybe your one of those people who believes someone will love you more if you do this…. Or that. Love yourself first. Take care of yourself first.  If they love you, they will love you unconditionally. Period. There is no half way.  Sometimes you just have to take a stand in your life and walk from things that make you feel bad. 

I felt free for the first time in my life.

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