83 pounds lost, day 116
It’s amazing what sleep and some reiki can do. I think I’ve recovered from Sunday and I’m glad to put that post behind me.
I’ll be honest, that was the worst funk I’ve been in since I started this journey. Sometimes we don’t really understand all the reasons why we get into this state of mind, but it happens. For me, I took other people’s comments personally which led to paranoia; one of the worst things to carry around. It feels awful, and your body goes into the proverbial fight or flight mode. This was coupled with an amazing day on Saturday, but it led to disappointment when I couldn’t do more than just my lawn. I naturally like working on my home and when mowing the grass is such a struggle, it’s easy to get frustrated. I want to paint and do all kinds of things, but I can’t do it all in one day. My brain, my heart, and the left side of my body want to fly like Peter Pan. The right side says “f*** you.” I would have been fine with just a class on Saturday, but I made the mistake of coming home and doing 4 hours of yard work. It was too much for my poor right leg.
Sunday morning, though beautiful and sunny, I was already feeling like a mess. Sundays are usually always wonderful days for me but being as how I was in a funk, I picked up other people’s funk and energy. Places, where there are lots of people, can always help make that happen. Whoever’s energy it was stuck to me like glue. Like…… Emos and Andy, frick and frack, ying and yang, arm and hammer, pork and beans……. Oh, ok. I think you get the picture. Now my head is a mess, and my body’s pain is exacerbated. It was the perfect storm.
Here’s my advice to those of you that write me that are struggling. As you saw I struggle too. I learned a valuable lesson over the weekend. God knows I cherish these because I know they are specifically for me. Every one of them teaches me something and most of the time it’s humbling. For this, I am grateful. The lesson was that you can’t allow other people’s opinions to drive you. They will drive you off course and crash you into a cliff if they can. I mean this. There will be people out there that want and hope to see you fail because it will make them feel better. It’s easy for people to look at your journey and suddenly feel threatened by your success. They know there are things they need to be working on and it surfaces as criticism at you. Sadly, this is a true story. But here’s something that might make you smile: Haters are good to have in your life; they’ll challenge you and you’re going to go the extra distance just to prove them wrong. If a hater happens to you? Ehh….. gotta shake it off quickly (ewww, that just sounded like TS).
When I say quickly, I mean it. If you get into a funk, you need to acknowledge it as quickly as your heart will allow and find a way to release it because you CANNOT stay there if you’re going to keep on track. No, there is nothing wrong with getting upset and angry. Feel it but then get rid of it. My solution was reiki. This was after suffering a debilitating Tuesday where all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and quit. It was an emergency and thank god she had an opening because it was the best thing that could have happened. I needed time to recenter and reground – get my head back in the right place and make sure the energy I was putting out was positive. Whatever you put there is going to come back, it’s a given. Not every day is going to feel like the super bowl, but you just have to suit up anyway and keep your ass going. Find what works for you.
The other thing I need to remember is I need to stay authentic. I put my heart out here because this is who I am. I promised myself that I will keep going no matter what. If someone gets in my way and refuses to move, I will simply walk around them or crush them like a pea. When you make the decision that you are on a mission, you will become unstoppable. Go do it and throw your smile back on while you’re at it.
Lovingly,
Bean
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