Yoga Jitters

Yoga isn’t one of those things I ever thought I would try. Let me take that back, I have tried it. I tried yoga at 5 am in a studio where there was only two of us. But, I had never actually gotten up the nerve to walk into a yoga studio when people were actually going to be there. Then there are the movements of course. The “no pain, no gain” attitude does not work for us fat people. We’ve have been carrying around so much pain for so long that purposely seeking more discomfort to be healthier does not compute.

No…….. the thought alone is kind of scary. Okay, really scary. Today I decided to give in and walked into one of those Yoga Studios. I had a dream—a world where a fat person can walk into a yoga studio filled with smaller sized classmates, roll out their mat, sink into Savasana and not feel intimidated by the glances of their classmates. Hey, I’m hopeful.

It’s funny the world we live in. You’d think seeing overweight people trying to get healthy would be refreshing. The fat people would be looked at like, “hey, wow, they are trying to get healthy, good for them”. But no…. not at any gym, fitness club or yoga studio I have ever walked into. Needless to say, I knew today what I was up against.

My best friend has been trying to get me to go with him for months. I would constantly turn him down. Not because I didn’t want to go with him. There are just times when I don’t feel like getting those dirty looks. I’d rather do Yoga TV in my living room.

Today was different though. I’m not really sure why, but I decided to take a leap of faith. I’m spilling my guts out to the planet, there are fears I MUST get over. Christ Athena, buck up buttercup.

We drive up in front of Corepower Yoga *gulp*… Breathe Bean. You got this. I really am feeling anxiety. Are you hot? I’m hot…….

I looked right………………..…. And left. I had to make sure that no one was watching me. *wiping forehead* I decided just to go in and get it over with.

I stepped lightly into the studio. I always feel like a bull in a China shop so I was trying to be extra careful not to bump anything. I would hide behind my friend, which of course I did for a bit. It’s like getting into a pool, you have to ease into it.

I figured maybe I would just snoop around while he was taking care of business. The first thing I saw was a skirt. I think? I wasn’t sure what it was going to cover even on a thin person. I held it up to my head. Is this a headband or a skirt? Hmmm…… mystery. I’m puzzled of course.

I did find the cutest pair of pants ever and I found myself browsing through the sizes……………. 2, 2, 4, 6….. *humming to myself*. Damn, they were cute. Maybe I could buy 3 of these……………. Sew them together……….. *pondering*. I could create a new line. LuluLuluLuluLemon. It’s like the plus size version. Shit, that would cost me like $300 bucks for those. Suddenly a few song lyrics was playing in my head “if you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” – Fergie. Hmm………… We’ll wait on those.

The marketing director showed me around. Of course, all I wanted to do was put my hands on his shoulders so I could hide while he maneuvered down the hallways showing me the rooms. I lucked out, not too many people there. Today…. Was safe.

He was explaining the classes to me and showing me some of the moves. I wanted to bust out laughing honestly. Headstands. Jesus, I better bring a couple 800 mg Motrin to the next class at just the thought of putting my ass weight on my head. I’m slightly mortified. I could hurt myself trying {{{{lauging}}}}}}.

He’s throwing his arms and legs everywhere – whoa crap, I didn’t realize this was so intense. I have trouble putting my shoes on. He wants me to bend my knees and legs where?

My first class on Sunday should be interesting.

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