You Learn | Week 21 Weight Loss

Day 152, 108 pounds lost.

In my backyard along a row of tall evergreens are particular Iris’s that were planted nearly nine months ago. They aren’t rare, but they are not native to Minnesota. The grouping called “Sea of Blue,” are comprised of about a dozen shades of blue. I knew they would need not only exceptional care to grow but patience……. As it stated, they would not bloom until late spring. When I planted them, they still had green tops so I could see the tips even during the winter as snow covered the ground. I would look out there and occasionally wonder what they would look like and how big they would be. I even marveled how beautiful that little corner would look come springtime. I have a thing for perennials and have planted dozens around the yard so the color will come back every year.

Spring came, and I started to get a bit frustrated because I couldn’t see much growth. The tips were turning brown, and even as I desperately watered trying to love and care for them, I didn’t see much progress. However, towards the end of April, they started getting taller. Every day for almost two months I watched from my kitchen window as they grew to nearly 2 feet tall. Slowly the bulbs started developing, and I knew they were coming.

Patience…. I will be the first to admit, has never been a strong point of mine. I get miffed when things don’t happen quickly. There are times when I wonder if everything going on in my life was handed to me directly to me from God because he knew how desperately I needed to learn it.  It has been very humbling for me, even to watch a flower.

I had a wonderful day yesterday, full of laughs and I went to sleep feeling good. I woke up with a smile and went to my usual Thursday meeting. I choose to wear a Peasant style top with a pair of jeans. I love the color white, so I wear it a lot. However, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror when I arrived and couldn’t help but feel that very familiar welling of my eyes as I realized this shirt made me look nine months pregnant. Now, that wouldn’t be a dreadful thing, but five months ago it looked like I was carrying triplets. I have been asked “when I was expecting” my whole life so sooner or later, I would rather have that come because I truly am.  In half an instant I went from feeling good to feeling that I hadn’t made much progress. In fact, if bothered me most of the meeting. I want to look as good as I feel and sadly I don’t see that some days.

My heart, my mind, and my body want to explode with excitement sometimes. I couldn’t explain even if I wanted too how joyful I feel most days. But at the same time, there are so many things I want to do and some things I desperately need to get off my chest and not feel afraid.  

My flowers were only planted five months ago, and I have to trust I am doing exactly what I should be. I watch the mirror, and it’s slow. Just like that flower I planted. There are times when it’s hard to trust that my flowers will be just as lovely and confident as that Sea of Blue starting to shine back there……. But I will wait……. and learn.

Lovingly,

Bean