This is Me

This is a continuance of this post – read this one first.

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Jaime had no idea how to build a basket weaving class. She could cover many different styles and topics – where to start? She started gathering fellow basket weavers and other Instructors; before she knew it, hundreds of people gave feedback, filled out surveys, and were willing to contribute time, energy, articles, etc., to the cause. It was a challenging topic, and she knew it might be a mess, but forward she went. It was painstaking work because enough feedback or experiences had to be gathered to see patterns. Shoot, she had to gather enough input just to feel comfortable with the name she was going to give it. No matter what name she chose, it would never appease everyone. Try to make it neutral enough to appeal to the broad stroke, and pray for the best.

Jaime worked in silence most of the time. It’s kind of like building a house with no training. Sometimes she was watching how-to videos; other times was out there at 1:00 am, just swinging that hammer away at that roof one shingle at a time. Sometimes sweat would pour down her head; other times, she would stop to take a break to marvel at the stars that lit up the night sky.

She spent most of her days fulfilling her day job commitments, instructing basket weaving and sewing early mornings and nights, worked on a book she was writing, and spent the rest of her time working on her class creation. She didn’t particularly find excitement and joy in working on the HOA. It wasn’t easy work, so that’s not how she’d describe it; however, she was getting to know people on a deeper level, and this part of it did give her insight, perspective, and appreciation.

Later that winter, Jaime got a surprise visit from the President of the HOA. She was told the CEO of the building company approved the coats! Wonderful! The HOA President also wanted to ask questions about Jaime’s class.

“Where is this class you are building”?

“What do you mean”?

“I mean, where do you keep it? Where is it at”?

“Uhmm… why? It’s on my laptop”?

“Well, is it in document or PDF form where you could email it over so we could take a look at it”?

Jaime wasn’t comfortable with this ask. Where was this ask coming from, and from whom?

“I would be willing to send you some bullets on what we intend to teach if that’s what you’re looking for, but I’m not just going to send you my class; why would I do that”?

“Jaime, don’t you WANT this education to be part of the community center? Don’t you think it’s important to include it”?

Jaime gulped.

“Well, yes, I’d be willing to give it to you; I just want to ensure I can still be the instructor on it. Can you ask around and find out for me, please”?

Jaime didn’t hear anything for a couple of weeks, but it didn’t stop her from continuing to do her own thing.

A few weeks later, Jaime heard back from the HOA President.

“Jamie, we have fantastic news! I asked around, and we want to be able to include this class in the community center, and we found the person who we believe would be perfect for teaching it”.

“I’m sorry; what did you just say?”

The HOA President repeated what she said.

The sting felt unbearable. Jaime was hoping like hell that the HOA President surely had good intentions but had no idea how to interpret such a request. Jaime had been learning the art of basket weaving since birth. It wasn’t simply a matter of someone else being available to teach it. It was the fact this request expected it, and then on top of that, they didn’t want to allow her to be part of something she created. Not only created but lived, ate, and breathed since birth.

Jaime respectfully declined but was simultaneously bewildered and angry.

The HOA President could not possibly have realized the gravity of her expectation, or it never would have come out of her mouth.

Was Jaime not good enough to teach something or present her basket weaving knowledge to others? Was there something wrong with her being the face of her legacy? Was she not gifted or pretty enough? It was her birthright to pass on should she so chose. Could someone else teach it? Sure, but without life experience and intimate knowledge of the topic, the authenticity is lost.

This request was so hurtful and damaging that Jamie went into a mental despair. For the next several months, she struggled both mentally and physically. Jaime felt devalued; she thought she wasn’t good enough and she questioned her abilities. She questioned whether she was the right person and second guessed her decision to try and attack something so complicated. In her defense, this information came from someone that was supposed to be Jaime’s advocate and, of course, a representative of an organization she would have given her blood to. Although Jamie took full responsibility. She allowed it.

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Weeks later, Jaime received the news that the coats promised to the neighborhood would not come through. The HOA was not going to even post a simple bulletin saying, “Hey – we’re sorry.” Jaime knew even though she didn’t make the promise, she would have to be the one to deliver the news and take the hit. Now she was even further resentful. Sad, but true. When you don’t deliver things you promise, you earn distrust.

Jaime could have screamed. Actually, she did. A few times. Frustration was an understatement.

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Three months later….

 

Jamie was getting ready for her second test class and pulled the fresh shirts she had made out of the dryer. She pulled the warm lavender-smelling shirt towards her nose and smiled as she held it up in the air to look at the writing on the back. She read the words, “Basket Weaving Instructor.” Ahhhhhhh! She was more proud of those words than anything she had ever read.

The first test class went well, but she took every feedback she received and improved the instruction. In some ways, she believes this is how it will always be going forward. Is it perfect? Far from it. But that’s what test classes are for. Jaime believes there is no such thing as good or bad feedback. It’s just feedback. She Improves everything that makes sense and lets the rest go but endeavors to be humble enough to know the difference. She is learning.

Jaime knew it had been a painful year, but things were coming together. Class dates were slowly getting added through the end of the year to include International locations in the Fall and next Spring. It turns out that basket weaving is a topic that interests neighborhoods and community centers around the world.

This isn’t the end of Jamie’s story. It’s only the beginning.

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Was this fictional story pulled from a parallel reality? Probably. But who knows. But then again, all fictional stories are.

History repeated itself because I needed to relearn some of those lessons. I do have intrinsic value in just being myself. My self-worth should NOT be tied to anything or anyone. I DO have my own voice and can use that voice any time I choose.

Despite my seeming absence, I have always advocated for others in the background. I might not have been here in my writing, but I always have…. BEAN THERE.

I am still ever-present, trying to represent the best interest of those I love dearly in my community. In the end…. There’s a world in front of me and its not tied down by anything. I can continue to love and advocate for the methodology I love, the people I love, and the population I ADORE no matter where I go.

Happy Independence Day.

All my love now and always.