Day 206. 140 pounds lost.
What I have learned in life so far is that it’s not the pressure that you are presented with, but rather how you decide to deal with that pressure and channel it.
I will say a lot of my pressure at the moment is self-induced; completely my choosing but nonetheless, a promise to myself to see this through. It started last Sunday after I officially decided to transfer from Bootcamp classes to
Crossfit classes at minimum 2-3 times a week. I underestimated the time that I would need to be in bed and asleep the night before, but I also underestimated recovery time. I didn’t get to sleep until 11:45 pm on Sunday and I was up at 4:00 am Monday. I was yawning all the way to Lakeville, and though I had a good class, it would have gone better had I gotten enough sleep. I can run on 4 hours of sleep but not one of my proud moments. This is how injury happens. I had a fully booked day, so I didn’t get a chance to get any of that sleep back. Tuesday I finished BootCamp but came home and promptly threw myself down on the couch and didn’t wake up for 5.5 hours. Unfortunately, this was during my peak work hours when my brain is ripe for creativity, so Tuesday’s “to do” list got pushed to the side. Wednesday came, and I was sleeping during the day, doing a WOD at 3:30 pm in the afternoon and then followed it up with a Thursday 9:30 am BootCamp which was the biggest mistake of my life because I didn’t get myself enough recovery time. My knee popped out of place during the last ten minutes of class, but this is after already feeling exhausted beyond recognition and pissed off at my own performance. I should have sat Thursday out, but I didn’t. I ended up doing a Friday Crossfit 5:30 am class but again, ended up sleeping part of the day. Clearly, my body was telling me to rest. This isn’t good because though I was listening to my body and getting rest, I wasn’t listening to the side of my brain that said: “slow it the f*** down.” Long term this wasn’t going to work either, I can’t be sleeping during the middle of the day. All acting like I’m retired and shit. I have a business to run.
During the week I started noticing an insane amount of bruising on my legs and couldn’t figure out where they were coming from which only added to my frustration. The amount of bruising coupled with the fact I was so utterly exhausted told me I was lacking somewhere. Long story short, I wasn’t getting enough iron which has promptly been fixed, but I could have caught it earlier had I just slowed down a bit.
For the first time since I started working out at the Gym in Lakeville, I felt the immense pressure of the daily drive which caused me to pull off to the side of the freeway one night in particular and start bawling. I was so tired I couldn’t think straight. If I have learned anything this week, its balance. No doubt can I keep a daily gym schedule, but I need to plan better and go to bed when I am supposed to. Also – when you grind more, your body needs more fuel. You absolutely can’t ignore this, or you will tank just like I did.
Needless to say, since the first time since I bought my house back in 11’ I decided that I would start considering the idea of a relocation. It’s a lot to add to my brain right now, but at the same time, I can’t ignore the pull I have to be in the south part of the cities. My life is changing, and I’m not giving up the gym for anything. Even if I still have to commute the 70 miles round trip every day. It’s worth it, but it does add stress and pressure. Some days I feel it more than others, but God said this is where I needed to be. In the meantime, I will continue to trust.
It was 9:30 last night and I decided to take Crossfit off the radar today. In fact, I ended up taking everything I had scheduled today and moved it to the other days. I needed to start my week better and off on the right foot – I call it a “self-care” day. I need to work through my “to do” list that piled up last week while I was sleeping. I also need to set up a new training schedule along with time to look at my diet and food intake and modify where needed. I still have a long way to go, and I can’t afford to tucker out now.
I look at pressure most of the time as being something very positive. I tend to look at it like it’s my time to prove to myself what I am really about. No, it’s certainly not a fun feeling all the time, and some days it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, but the promise of pressure on this journey was a given. I’m not running from it; I’m simply modifying as I go so I can face it and propel myself past it by simply finding a way. I’m either going to end up a piece of broken coal or a diamond, and the first one isn’t an option.
Lovingly,
Bean
