Seven weeks and things are changing quickly. I can hardly believe it to be honest. I’m already in a place where I couldn’t have imagined just a short time ago.
I was getting ready for a networking meeting this morning, and I found myself standing in front of my closet staring at “skinnier” clothes wondering if I would be brave enough to try them on. There was this one pair of jeans in particular that I haven’t worn in over a year, maybe longer. There’s nothing special about them other than they are soft and they have holes in them which are my favorite kind of jeans. I had to put them away over a year ago because I ate myself out of them. But this morning, there I was; holding the hanger half biting my lower lip wondering if today was the day. Not only was I able to get them on, but they fit like a glove. I thought I was going to start crying. It was an overwhelming feeling I can’t describe. For someone that has been stuck in Yoga gear for so long, being able to wear something normal made me feel human again.
I wake up in the morning feeling refreshed. This is actually something that hasn’t happened in several years. I roll out of bed and hit the ground normally instead of sitting there for several minutes debating whether I was ready to feel that stabbing pain as soon as my feet hit the floor. It used to take several minutes to “brave” that first step.
Not long ago, I cringed every time I had to leave the house. Speaking of the business meeting this morning, this was a place for the last year and a half, I only went if I had too. My knee hurt so bad it got to the point where I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want people to see the wincing and hobbling around and certainly not the cane that seemed to have attached itself to my hand. But this morning? No hesitation. I couldn’t wait to go. I haven’t had that feeling in a very long time. And I am officially cane free. My legs are still a bit wobbly; some days are better than others. However, I am walking without it, and that’s all I care about.
I feel alive again, I feel good, I feel happy, and I feel strong. I’m finding things I used to love doing; picked back up on hobbies and things I cherish! I have this perma-grin on my face that’s just not going away, and I’m ok with that.
With time, I know all the things I want are on their way. I’m going to buy clothes in a normal store again. Nobody is going to be looking at my cart at the grocery store. I am going to start traveling again, start exploring all the parts of Minnesota I haven’t seen! Hell, I’m even going to garner enough courage to ask that guy out. God, I can hardly wait.
That girl six weeks ago is becoming somebody that I used to know. Before too long, I won’t even know her anymore. I’m creating a better person, a stronger person and I haven’t been more proud in my life.
Keep it up girl!!! can’t wait to see the transformation when we get home……love you…Mom