Day 264. 165 pounds lost.

I got my newest badge this morning, this one only took two weeks?! Bahh… some take a little longer than others, but the damn scale finally gave it to me.  Thirty-five pounds seems pretty doable to meet the first goal by the end of December. I shake my head some days because truth be told, I don’t even believe it. I’m going to do my best, that’s all I can do. At the end of the year, I will confidently say, “I gave it everything I had.”

So I realize it’s a bit last minute, but I decided to get out of town for a few days and head to Boston and then onto Nantucket over the weekend. Why Nantucket? This little island became a favorite spot of mine years ago when I took my first trip out there back in 2003. I fell in love with the houses (they all look the same; cedar shake and white trim). I also fell in love with the smell of honeysuckle, wild hydrangea and the smell of ocean all in one inhale. It’s hard to explain, but there’s something magical about it. Everyone has a “place” – this is mine.

Over the weekend, I felt emotionally drained. My body has also been telling me it needs a break, but I’ve ignored it.  I used to take vacations every couple of months but since I moved to Minnesota that seemed to have stopped. I haven’t had any real vacation since I moved here. I asked myself “why” on Sunday night, and I was finally able to come up with an explanation.

All of my favorite places in the world are on the east coast. Boston, Philadelphia, Brattleboro Vermont, Marthas Vineyard, Hyannis, Nantucket……. Unfortunately are also attached to memories. For eleven years I and the ex stomped all over Cape Cod, and New England and now those places are attached to that relationship. Subconsciously I’m sure I simply stopped traveling to these favorite spots because there were things I didn’t want to think about anymore.  The only way I am going to reignite my love for travel and the desire to go back to the places I adore is to go and create new memories. It was kind of light bulb moment for me on Sunday night.

So, the balloons…. When I talk about letting things go, I am essentially saying I give them to God. I intend to sit on a beach this weekend next to the Great Point Lighthouse. It’s at the northernmost point of the island out past Wauwinet, and it happens to be the most powerful light in New England. Something tells me the energy will be good there. I am going to take a bunch of balloons out there with a black permanent marker, and I’m going to write all the things that I am letting go of on them and I’m going to let go.  God said he’d be waiting for them.  I have worked my body, fingers, and brain to the bone over the last 9 months and I need a clear head.  

If Nantucket was my first thought to have a conversation with God then…. by damn, that’s where I need to go. Immediately.

Tell my life I am trolling Atlantis…. And I still have my hands on the wheel. 

Lovingly,

Bean