Day 335. 179.5 pounds lost.
Dreams breathe life into everything we do. Our dreams act as a compass and help us choose a path, among our many options. Dreams shape our choices that shape our way forward. I’m a bit surprised by own decision, but because of this, I decided to put the scale away today for the next 30 days. Today marks the last 30 days of this 365-day journey. I can’t believe this month is finally here. It’s here!
Eleven months ago I set a goal to lose 200 pounds this year. It seemed impossible, and I thought I’d lost my mind. I didn’t see the vision when I started and I had to lie to myself for the first 6 months. Here we are exactly 11 months later, and it’s not out of my reach. I’m in the zone, but 22 pounds in this last month is going to be tough. The fact that I don’t know if I can pull it off creates a lot of frustration for me. A part of me wanted to pack up suitcases and live in the gym parking lot this month. You think I’m kidding but not really. I find myself pacing my home at night wondering what else I should be doing?
*wiping tears on my cheeks*. FAK!?? I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.
I can’t do this to myself, and I have to be okay with knowing I did the best I could. I will be just as surprised as the rest of you with the January 2nd weigh in. Daily weigh-ins will be more harmful than good on this last stretch I think. If something doesn’t happen quickly enough, I get pissed and frustrated and that’s not the world that I want to live in for the next month. The next 30 days will continue the same as the previous 11 months. I will get up, try to make the most of my day – make good decisions about what I eat and what I do. I will put in extra time. I will get as close as I can. Who knows, I might surprise myself. Nothing is off the table at this point. Regardless of whether I can make 2017 goal this year or not, I will be proud of whatever that final number is.
On January 3rd, whatever the number is from the previous day, the journey doesn’t stop. The final goal number has been figured out based on my body composition and muscle mass. I’m going to set the final weight between 175 and 185. I know many of you have asked and I will be honest, I didn’t really know. I’ve never been that small. In 22.5 pounds, I will surpass the lightest weight of my entire life. Everything after will be new… unexplored.
I have no doubt that 2018 is going to be the best year of my life so far. I will reach final goal weight, I am going to do a lifting competition – maybe a couple of them? The theme of my story is going to be called “Lifting the Wait”. I wonder sometimes why I waited as long as I did. It doesn’t even have to be weight loss to identify with what I mean by this.
I believe that each of us has a dream placed in the heart. I’m not talking about wanting to win the lottery. I’m talking about a vision deep inside that speaks to the very soul. It’s the thing we were born to do. It draws on our talents and gifts, but also our pain and our fears. It appeals to our highest ideals. It sparks our feelings of destiny. It is inseparably linked to our purpose in life.
I have always been a bit of a dreamer but dreams are achievable and they are real.
Lovingly,
Bean.
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