Fight on Fighter | Show Them Who You Are

Day 644. 237 lbs lost (as of Sep 14).

So I’m a bit late on my follow up to my last post. I’ve been in deep thought this week. Coming down off the high of my California trip took a few days. Life has returned to normal but as always with time to reflect there are always takeaways. Often I am struck with awe and wonder – and gratefulness for how all this came about.

My fear going out there was simple. Yes, I was nervous about doing a workout in front of everyone, but I was even more nervous I might get something difficult that my knee wasn’t going to like. I preach scaling so this should not have been a concern. I do many things in the box, and I have no problem with people watching, but it didn’t mean there haven’t been times when I struggled with things like burpees and cried my way through them. It’s happened. My fear was this might happen live. I tell everyone, “Hey its okay if people watch you, just do your thing.” Talk about having to swallow my own advice.

The nerves didn’t slow down; I was sweating buckets during interviews trying to keep myself calm. “Athena, you’re going to do fine, what are you worried about” was was the only thing in my brain. I kept taking big breaths in hopes I could keep myself grounded. It was pretty hairy all the way to workout announcement. I couldn’t have been more relieved when I found out I was on a barbell. I knew what I could clean, the only thing I didn’t know was what I might be able to get over my head. The knee has been pretty inflamed from slow deterioration that I had to stay away from the jerk. I did a test run, and my knee didn’t like it, so I had to think of an alternative. I had to stay somewhat conservative on the dip just getting under the bar to keep too much undue pressure off the right side. Whatever I could pull and get up over my head was going to need to be done without too much leg bend. I was totally up for the challenge. It was no different than what I did in the box every single day; I look at the workout, quickly asses what I could do and attack accordingly. How quickly I had forgotten.

I got to PR (personal record) at HQ which was exciting stuff and a 20+ pound PR at that. I was so proud of me and my partner Abbi, and I was so emotional, that the hour following the workout is almost a blur. That part was over. I was bracing myself for the second part.

I got back to the hotel that night around 11 pm, and I was exhausted. I sat on the bed, Indian style legs crossed clutching my cell phone in one hand and a pillow in my lap just in case I saw something terrible I could slam my face down into it. I’ve done this before actually when my first video came out. I was going to review the announcement, and I was ready for whatever negative comments I was almost sure I was going to read.

*sigh*…. I hit the play button, and I waited.

And waited…

The workout began…. no negative comments. The workout ended, and there were no negative comments. There was nothing but a flood of positivity for every athlete there. I almost felt bad that I was sure it would happen. I fell asleep reading messages from my FB and IG accounts; there were words of encouragement from all over the world. By this point there were hundreds.

The following day I spent at a jump rope course (which I will talk about in a separate post) and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening sitting on a beach in Capitola watching the waves. Have you ever been sitting or standing somewhere overwhelmed to the point where all you want to do is listen? To say that I was emotional would have been an understatement.

Leaving California this time, for whatever reason was particularly hard. I had grown quite fond of so many familiar faces that it was hard to go. Definitely a few in particular.

As I was walking through the airport in San Fransisco on my way home, my messages started notifying me again. Ping, Ping, Ping Ping.  The CrossFit Games had now shared the story, and a whole new audience was seeing my video for the first time.  Messages were flying in again, and I desperately tried to find a quiet place so that I could send a message of thanks. I ended up highjacking a nursery so that I could post a video message back to the CrossFit Games team.  I slept most of the flight back home but spent the next four days straight writing people back. I wouldn’t be exaggerating in the least if I said my fingers and thumbs were numb.

I spent several days finding local affiliates, sharing my knowledge of the zone and CrossFit prescription, endlessly thanking people for their kindness, love, and support. Some of the messages were simply so powerful I felt undeserving of receiving such words.

. . . .

I sit here feeling very reflective; I am ever so grateful to God for his ability to create something I couldn’t have imagined for myself.  I am joyful, I am happy, I am hopeful, and I am looking forward.  My heart is overwhelmed and overflowing right now with more gratitude than I have ever had in my life.  Teary eyes happen quickly….perhaps I am just feeling ever so sensitive to something even better coming. I just don’t know what it is yet.

One of the messages I received as I write this said, “Fight on Fighter, keep going.” *smile*…. Thank you for this.  Perfect timing.

Lovingly, Bean