I always get a little nervous on Zoom calls. It’s a silly reason, actually. It’s because I get distracted by looking at myself. I’ve had to train myself to turn my view off, so I am only looking at the group. I’m happy I couldn’t see my video, as I was desperately fighting back watery eyes. I’m not supposed to get so emotional, but I did.
. . . . . .
A coach had his hand icon up for a bit while he shifted back and forth in his seat. I couldn’t help but feel anxiousness through the screen. He said, “I must tell this story because I genuinely want to understand what I was doing wrong. I am so passionate about helping people and….”
I listened and watched the other faces on the call. I swear you could have heard a feather hit the ground.
This affiliate owner had been observing a larger-bodied man out walking several times and finally approached him and asked to see if he wanted to join a class. He even went so far as to offer this man time to come work out free of charge. The man said he wasn’t interested, and they parted ways. Evidently, this run-in would happen twice more; each subsequent encounter became more contentious. By the third encounter, the man was angry, leaving this affiliate owner feeling terrible and heartbroken.
“Please help me understand where I might have gone wrong… how could I have approached this differently because I only wanted to help”.
I remember bringing my hand up to my forehead and my heart. I may have actually felt it thumping.
. . . . .
Unsolicited help or advice, yes, can be difficult. This applies to about anything in life, not limited to weight. You take this risk on any topic that, when uninvited, may go differently than you expect. We, as humans, thirst for approval. When given unsolicited advice or an offer of help, we feel criticized and take it as rejection or perhaps confirmation of a failure. This can be painful for us—some more than others. Can it put someone on the defensive? Yes.
I’ve been on the receiving end myself more times than I can count. Did I have to take it personally? No, but I always did.
But since becoming an affiliate owner and coach, I know how it feels to sit on the other side of the line. I was instantly familiar with that simple desire to make a difference however I could.
So at that moment, when this coach asked in earnest how this could have been handled differently because he genuinely wanted to understand, I just wanted to hug him. I never believed for a moment his heart wasn’t in the right place.
I could easily empathize with both sides. I could see where an offer of help could have been presumptive. We might unintentionally imply the other person doesn’t know what they’re doing. It could also be seen as patronizing and condescending. Yes, it could.
On the other hand, I think of myself when I was in my worst state. I was too proud to ask for help. If I got a flat tire, I would have been crying on the side of the road, trying to figure out how to fix my problem instead of burdening someone to help me. My pride would not allow it. Secretly, I would have prayed the entire time that some amazing soul would just stop and ask if I was okay.
The truth is, you don’t know if it’s someone content on their own or the one secretly praying for someone just like you.
Could it have been handled differently? It’s hard to say. But I know this for sure. Never stop inviting.
Be the lifeboat – not everyone is going to get on. They might be on a different lifeboat that works just as well. They might want a completely different boat. Who knows? Maybe they aren’t even ready for a boat. Be okay with that. Preserve the shape of your heart.
