I always get a little nervous on Zoom calls. It’s a silly reason, really—it’s because I get distracted by looking at myself. I’ve had to train myself to turn off my view, so I’m only looking at the group. I’m glad I couldn’t see my video this time because I was desperately fighting back watery eyes. I’m not supposed to get so emotional, but I did.
. . . . .
A coach had his hand icon raised for a bit while he shifted back and forth in his seat. I couldn’t help but feel his anxiousness through the screen. He said, “I must tell this story because I genuinely want to understand what I was doing wrong. I am so passionate about helping people, and…”
I listened and watched the other faces on the call. I swear you could have heard a feather hit the ground.
This affiliate owner had been observing a larger-bodied man walking several times. Finally, he approached him to see if he wanted to join a class. He even went so far as to offer the man time to work out free of charge. The man said he wasn’t interested, and they parted ways. Evidently, this run-in would happen twice more, with each subsequent encounter becoming more contentious. By the third encounter, the man was angry, leaving this affiliate owner feeling terrible and heartbroken.
“Please help me understand where I might have gone wrong… How could I have approached this differently? I only wanted to help.”
I remember bringing my hand to my forehead and my heart. I could almost feel it thumping.
. . . . .
Unsolicited help or advice can indeed be difficult. This applies to almost anything in life—not just weight. Offering unsolicited advice carries risks because uninvited help may not be received as you expect. As humans, we thirst for approval. When we receive unsolicited advice or an offer of help, we may feel criticized. It can come across as rejection or confirmation of failure, which can be painful—some more so than others. Can it put someone on the defensive? Yes.
I’ve been on the receiving end more times than I can count. Did I have to take it personally? No. But I always did.
Since becoming an affiliate owner and coach, I now know how it feels to sit on the other side of the line. I instantly recognized that simple desire to make a difference however I could.
So, at that moment, when this coach asked in earnest how he could have handled the situation differently because he genuinely wanted to understand, I just wanted to hug him. I never believed for a moment that his heart wasn’t in the right place.
I could easily empathize with both sides. I could see how an offer of help might come across as presumptive. We might unintentionally imply that the other person doesn’t know what they’re doing. It could also be perceived as patronizing or condescending. Yes, it could.
On the other hand, I think of myself when I was at my worst. I was too proud to ask for help. If I had gotten a flat tire, I would have been crying on the side of the road, trying to figure out how to fix my problem instead of burdening someone else. My pride wouldn’t allow it. Secretly, though, I would have been praying the entire time for some amazing soul to stop and ask if I was okay.
The truth is, you don’t know if someone is content on their own or secretly praying for someone just like you.
Could it have been handled differently? It’s hard to say. But I know this for sure: Never stop inviting.
Be the lifeboat—not everyone is going to get on. They might already be on a different lifeboat that works just as well. They might want a completely different boat. Who knows? Maybe they aren’t even ready for a boat. Be okay with that. Preserve the shape of your heart.
