One Foot | Week 52 Weight Loss

Day 362. 187 pounds lost. Last blog post of 2017.

It’s here; the official last post of 2017. I mean holy shit. Twelve months ago today I was laying on my couch feeling sorry for myself; waiting for Bariatric Surgery that was scheduled for January 12^th. I put ten months into the plan; I went to all the scheduled appointments, passed the psychiatric evaluations, and had insurance approval. I had the coveted “green” light which is what all bariatric patients want, and some never get.  I thought this was the only way out of the mess I had made of my life. This decision changed on January 2^nd, and I’ve never regretted it. Not even once.

My life changed profoundly this year.  I had a lot of thinking time over the last week, and it helped to be home with family. The trip home was good for the soul.  I thought about what I needed to do or say to be able to walk into 2018 at midnight tomorrow night with a clear conscience. Have I done everything I could do? Did I do my very best? Did I utilize 2017 to the very best of my ability?

December was not a stellar month for me. I was distracted by some things very personal to me, but one of them was this 200-pound goal itself. The pressure became intense; not because of any doing but my own. I wanted to hit that mark more than anything. Three weeks ago when I realized that hitting it (based on days left and numbers left) wasn’t possible, there was a little “fuck the world” going on in my head if I am to be truthful here.  I said no to a lot of workouts I could have gotten up to do. I said yes to a few more bags of Love Crunch that I should not have had. I wouldn’t say I had given up, but I was a little devastated, and I am feeling a little bit of the sting even as I write this. This month wasn’t exactly my best. I have felt every emotion possible these last few weeks. My body is a bit banged up, my heart got a bit shredded once again, my self-confidence took a hit, and every part of me wanted to retreat.

Aside from December, I gave it everything I had, and I have no regrets about anything this year. I faced every fear I had, I continued even when I didn’t want too. I kept going even when felt like I had nothing left to give. Whatever that number is on Tuesday morning I will take, proudly. Here’s the deal, the goal will still be hit. I might be a month or so behind schedule, but its inevitable. Had that mountain and seemingly impossible goal not been set, I would never have gotten close.

I know that I get to do this process over again but there were times in the last few weeks I wondered whether or not I could do it again. Although I don’t have quite as far to go on the second round than I did on the first, the effort required is going to be the same.

But……………. here I go. I will walk into 2018 with my head high. I am so utterly grateful for this year of my life. I know that 2018 will far surpass this one in ways I cannot yet comprehend, but I know its coming.  I am so proud of where I am today. FUCKING PROUD. 

A lot of people asked me this year how I got started. My answer is this: one foot. All it takes is one foot in front of the other. Does it sound too simple to be true? Try it for yourself.

Lovingly,

Bean