Day 289. 169.5 pounds lost.
I’ve learned to be incredibly patient with my weight loss because although it might seem to an outsider that the losses have been supersonic, there are weeks where the losses have been minimal. The last several weeks have been giving me one pound at a time, and sometimes the fight for one single pound is exhausting.
My folks came down this weekend to help me finish the last of the purging. I always love it when they come down. The house always smells like applewood smoked bacon and fresh coffee and I can always hear some classic western playing in the background that dad threw on.
I had to put the purging off for a few weeks while I tackled other things but we’re getting close to finally being done. Mom and I spent the better part of Saturday doing the last floor (main level) and pulling all the crap up from downstairs that needed to get donated or thrown in the garage sale pile. At one point we found my winter coat that I bought last year, and I put it on. We laughed almost immediately because it looked utterly ridiculous. It was starting to resemble more of a blanket than a coat in all honesty. I put it on to show my dad, and he said, “you know….. you and your mother could probably both fit in there just fine.” I didn’t believe him at first but wouldn’t you know he was right! She even managed to close the buttons. She and I were snug as a bug in that coat together. I decided I would keep it; it’s going to make a great prop one day. The garage sale is Friday so wish me luck getting rid of all this crap. Whatever doesn’t sell goes to charity. Boom, done.
Sunday morning we decided to go hunt down a formal dress. I am going to a Gala this coming Saturday, and I needed something appropriate; something I definitely did not have. It’s been at least eight years since I wore a dress of any kind. Shopping for a formal dress is something I have only done one other time in my life. There were a few emotional victories on Sunday; one of them was looking at myself in a dress again; I couldn’t believe I was wearing one. The second victory was the fact this dress wasn’t the largest size on the rack. In fact, it was several sizes lower. Lastly, it’s nice to finally get to a point where I know when I walk into a store, I am going to be able to find something that fits. I had to order all my clothes exclusively online, or out of a catalog for years, so it’s hard to describe that feeling of LOVING to go shopping again. I hope I don’t cry on Saturday although………..I think its inevitable. *smile*.
At one point I’m standing in the dressing room laughing my ass off because one of the dresses was too small and it got stuck, and I needed help getting it off (apparently me and satin don’t get along too well yet). Getting stuck in the dress wasn’t what made it funny, it was the fact my mom was laughing just as hard as I was. It was a fun day, and I realized standing there laughing that the time is quickly approaching when they will be heading out for 5-6 months again. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost a year since all of this started. Being alone here for the holidays last year was one of the most difficult times of my life, but then again had it not happened I may not be talking about it today because I’m convinced I would have died. As I think back on the last almost ten months, I am reminded of how tough some of those days really were.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Choices this year were hard; I had to take this time for me but it didn’t mean I didn’t think about you guys all the time and certainly during those weekends when I was simply too tired to drive. There were a lot of weekends when I was trying to get my shit together and work on this head of mine. It didn’t mean I didn’t want to be out there with you. I know one of the reasons you moved here to Minnesota was because you were worried about me. I don’t blame you; especially seeing a daughter that could barely walk a year ago. But look how far I made it! I hope I made you proud. You don’t need to worry this time…… I’ve got a great network here now and good people in my life; it’s hard to imagine I would ever feel alone again. But it’s not to say that when you roll up in that 5th wheel to say goodbye in a few short weeks, I won’t be standing there thinking…… “Time rolls by the clock don’t stop, I wish I had a few more drops of the good stuff, the good times…..Oh but they just keep on flying, right on by like it ain’t nothing….wish I had me a pause button….Moments like those Lord knows I’d be wishing I had 5…. More…. Minutes….”
Lovingly,
Bean
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