Day 296, 171 pounds lost.
I finally got my 170 badge although I must admit it was the hardest one to achieve thus far. One pound a week can get a bit discouraging, but as always I keep plugging forward. I am sore as hell today but I’ve got a big smile on, and that’s what counts.
Saturday was the first annual Mi5 Games at the gym. It was a competition based on points collected over three difficult workouts. There was a part of me that was nervous going into that day because no matter how much you think you’re ready, that all changes when eyes are staring at you. I finished better than I expected but I know there are areas where I can do much better next time. I wasn’t necessarily competing with anyone in my mind, so my placement didn’t matter to me as much as the ability to simply be present and able to stand on that floor. If someone had told me a year ago that I would even be in that competition, I would swear they’d been drinking. It reaffirms my belief every day that anything is possible.
I was tired, but within an hour after the games, I was sitting in a chair at my favorite salon having my hair and makeup done for a Gala. I didn’t want to mess up the beautiful hair and makeup, or I would have bawled my eyes out. I don’t remember a time since I arrived in Minnesota where I had felt so pretty. Feeling beautiful is hard for all of us, but this night, I did. As I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself shortly before I left for the event all I could do was say “Wow”! Who are you? It was hard to believe this was the same girl that was laying on the couch crying her eyes out because she had gotten too big to move and here she was, wearing a dress and feeling amazing. I will treasure this moment forever I am sure.
The hard purging in the house is finally done, and the garage sale is now completed as of this weekend. Whatever didn’t sell got donated at the drop off box down the street because I was determined not to allow any of that stuff back in the house. I should say…… all but one box. I was enjoying the beautiful day (which I firmly believed might have been the last 70-degree day of the year) and I had an epiphany. I walked over to the table where I had all my wedding stuff, and I grabbed a bunch of things off the table. Mostly odds and ends but things that weren’t too personal; a knife set, champagne toast, chair ribbons, but I packed a box and took it back downstairs. It wasn’t until the very minute I decided to do this that I realized I had made peace with it all. I was happy with the few items I decided to keep which inadvertently made me realize I had moved on.
Speaking of moving on…. I threw myself out there in another way and joined eHarmony. I’ve made peace with where I am in my journey, and mentally I don’t believe I’ve ever been as strong. Physically I am still on my journey, but honestly, I could wait until everything is perfect but when would that be exactly? This thinking lasted about two weeks when I realized sites like ChristianMingle and even eHarmony are kind of contrary to what we as Christians believe. If He wants you to be married, He is more than capable of bringing a man into your life in the most unlikely way, in the most unlikely place. God can bring your spouse to you in the remotest village in Africa, or in the most hidden slum of ……. hell I don’t know, someplace slummy. Our purpose is to follow our life calling first even if it means that we will be less available to the opposite sex. I have a dream that I’m going to meet the right guy in a place of seeming obscurity because I surrendered and allowed HIM to write my love story. And I thank HIM I came to my senses because this dating profile crap is exhausting. I mean seriously, do you honestly think someone could be the perfect match for you just by looking at their picture and reading 200 words? Bah! I doubt it.
I know you’re out there… I just haven’t met you yet. *wink*.
Lovingly,
Bean
You are an incredible woman.