Incredible | Week 33 Weight Loss

Day 231. 150 pounds lost.

The second milestone is here; one left to go. Though I don’t know what the final number is going to be when it’s all said and done, total pounds lost is looking like it will fall somewhere around 250lbs +/-.

So what it feels like…..

There’s a part of me that is in disbelief I will be honest.  That sounds funny, but I’ve actually had a few people tell me they didn’t believe I would get this far. I can’t say I blame them, I was one of them. When I look in the mirror, sometimes I still see the person that started. Self-image is something I struggle with all the time. I tripped out over a pair of pants a few weeks back because they didn’t have enough compression and I wondered if they just made me look bigger! Progress is slow here, but sure nonetheless. Most days like feel like Groundhog Day over and over. It’s a grind; sometimes daunting and relentless. My body sure takes a beating, and the daily soreness is always still there.

Along the way, things like this always make it interesting:

“Is dating easier for you now that you have lost so much weight”?

At first, I was a bit annoyed at this. I couldn’t believe someone would assume that the only thing keeping me from being successful at dating was just the weight. As if, magically, my new body that is emerging granted me access to a tier of dating options that had been off-limits at my previous weight. As much as I strongly dislike the idea that I would be strictly judged on my weight, I do suppose there is a physical attraction component in everything. But honestly, I think it had to less to do with others as much as it had to do with ME.  I wasn’t happy with my life or myself, and those vibes project outward. That’s hardly attractive, right?  I have come to believe that if you aren’t happy with yourself, you can’t POSSIBLY be 100% for anyone else.  So, there was honesty in the question but I do stand firm in this: self-growth is quite sexy; self-awareness is healthy, and I have learned more realistic aspirations of desires in a significant other. This alone-time has been some of the best time of my life.

But then there is joy….

My body likes the weightlifting bar, and any exercise having to do with that bar, so I tend to gravitate to that. I find joy in pushing my body to find out what its capable of. And yes, I’ve heard it all, “Athena, you might hurt yourself.” I suppose there is a possibility in anything, but you know what was hurting me?  The women I used to be. That hurt me. I am not competing against anyone but myself and I know I can always give a little more next time. Joy is finding that I have always seem to have a little more to give.

Joy is being able to give 13 bags of clothing to charity.

Joy is being able to walk and move around.

Joy is being able to face every fear that arises and be able to say, “I got this.”

Joy is being able to say “You know what? I don’t have to say yes to everything anymore”.

Going forward, I’m just going to keep doing me. Stay true to you and you will always be incredibly happy– I personally am finding more joy in this than anything and it feels incredible. INCREDIBLE.

Lovingly,

Bean