Day 227. 147 pounds lost.
I laugh as I start writing this because I had no idea when I started this purging exercise of mine that I would have so much material for this silly blog. What started out as a simple “hey, let’s slim some things down because I want to consider selling my home” has turned into some of the craziest lessons for me along this journey thus far.
My folks have been coming down every weekend so my dad (the superhero contractor) can work on my maintenance punch list while mom and I go through every single room and purge. It could be anything from closets to drawers, clothing, knick knacks or even furniture. This weekend it was time to lay the floors that have been stacked neatly in boxes on the far side of the garage since last fall.
On Saturday morning right before we started laying the floors, I was sitting in the middle of the room staring up at my walls and realized that 90% of the room décor involved the “Titanic.” It’s not that I didn’t know this, I mean I hand-collected all of it. But I didn’t realize there was a huge tie to my past in this room. There was everything from menu cards to pictures of the ship before it left port, an old ticket and newspaper clippings. Most people called this little collection rather morbid. It is odd I will admit, but there was a deeper meaning behind it all. “Titanic” was the movie my ex and I saw on our first date, so in a silly way, it became part of our story. No surprise that it became the theme of our bedroom. Over the years, even long after our separation, I was still collecting “Titanic” stuff. I didn’t realize there was still so much of “us” in my home. As I am going through the room, I start finding pictures and upside down frames under the bed and in every hidden space in the room. I suppose there was a part of me that thought if he were out of sight, he would be completely out of mind, but this wasn’t true. I’ve had our life staring at me this entire six years and didn’t know it. When I moved into my home, I turned the poor guy upside down and shoved him under the bed and said: “All done….. tah-duh!!” – wiped my hands and left the room. Problem solved. Uhmm, no. Our life was everywhere, not just under the bed but all over the room and it had to go. It was time to pull the sinking ship off the walls – I mean seriously, there’s so much irony in this it’s almost funny. I went and hand selected a few new pieces and I can’t tell you how nice it was. That boat wasn’t exactly inspiring me.
I was trying to stay busy while and figured I would start attacking the office. In there I had a “letter” tote. It was kind of a big deal to me because it contained every single card and letter that I have received from ANYONE since 1998. I only got about a half an inch in when I stumbled across a nice written card saying thank you for something, and it was signed by someone I didn’t even recognize? It went back so far I didn’t even know the name? I then came across one of those old proverbial “I love you cards”…..and it was at that time that I refused to go any further. How much energy was this tote carrying? Good lord. There was only one thing to do. Burn it! I believe in releasing energy, and that tote was going to burn to ashes. It took a couple minutes while I took deep breaths as I walked down the stairs and out to the burn pit. Somewhere in here, I knew that my grandparent’s cards were in there as well and I have missed them all terribly. It was written by their hands, how could I possibly throw them away! It was gut wrenching, but into the fire, it went. I thought I would start crying, but I literally stood there, watched the fire and played “We didn’t start the fire” in my head. I know I don’t need paper cards to remind me how much they loved me and I them…. *hand on my heart*…… the memories don’t die when you let things go.
Memories and stuff are not the same.
And we have to let it go.
Lovingly,
Bean
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