Day 312. 175 pounds lost.
A miracle can be defined as a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences. I’ve had a few of these lately.
I went to life group last night and excused myself for about twenty minutes so that I could walk the empty halls of River Valley Church. I suddenly decided that I needed a little time to digest my week. I was finally able to post another milestone; a simple picture underneath the sign of the gym I belong too with the number on the lights. I looked at this image a few times over the last few days, and it made me cry because I’m so grateful. It’s not so much the gym itself as the people in it that have made this journey so special for me. Reaching milestones are always a joy because it reminds me that miracles happen every day. Yet at the same time, they are very emotional for me because there is always reflection time. I want to be proud, but I want to remain humble. I want to be excited but not forget where I came from and where I started. I want to try every new experience presented but not appear self-absorbed. I’m not sure I’ve ever truly known what “happy” felt like until now. All I want to do is live in it. Seeing myself as this new person is a miracle.
Goomba needed to pick up a few things and asked me if I wanted to go to the mall today. Instantly, I get this notch in my gut because this place has never been a place of pleasure; in fact, it’s always been quite terrifying. For some reason, I didn’t feel like I could walk it yet. I wasn’t ready to do a “mall” yet; way too much walking. I went anyway, but I wasn’t feeling that optimistic. An hour and a half later, we’re still there. We pass store after store, and my legs and ankles are doing just fine. I don’t remember the last time I walked the mall just to do it.
In my strolling, I came across the store, “Buckle.” As silly as it sounds, this store represented my vision of my personal style. I was never able to define it, but I could visualize it, and this store came as close as possible to a definition of what my future self-looked like. Years ago I would spend hours and hours cutting out outfits I would see on their website and paste it on my “vision board.” It always felt like…. “me.” I shrugged my shoulders when I decided I would brave the looks and walk in there. I just wanted to look at the outfits as I had done so many times in the years before. Today wasn’t much different. Immediately there was this girl that came up to me and said, “Hey, what can I help you with.” I laughed and replied, “oh … haha!!! Just looking”. She let me wander around which is all I planned on doing. I found myself eyeballing this wall of jeans with sparkly pockets and frayed bottoms. I have a thing for sparkles. LOL. This same girl came back up to me and said, “Can I help you find your size?” I belted out a huge laugh because I didn’t believe Buckle would have any single pair of jeans that I could possibly heave up over my butt. She brought over a pair of the sparkly-butt, frayed-bottom, dream-jeans I’d been staring at and said, “Hey, try these on, you will love the fit.” WTF, was this woman serious right now? I shook my head no, but almost honored she believed I could fit into them. She was fairly persistent….. “Try them on!!!”. I walked into the dressing room actually saying out loud “Well this is going to be f-ing hilarious.” As I slid them on and went to button them, I’m not going to lie, they were snug, but I got them on. I was literally standing in the damn dressing room at BUCKLE trying on jeans. It sounds stupid and silly, but I had dreamt of this day for 15 years. I wiped away a few happy tears so I could snap a picture. I had finally done it. Now, obviously, the goal going forward is to get those pants a little looser. Right now they feel like a training session with my coach. “Athena,…. Remember to BREATHE!!!”……
The process of achieving these silly goals and the experience I’ve have gained is changing me. This is why the journey is the reward. This idea that the journey is more important than the destination is a common sentiment. It just took me a while to figure out that it was true. Danielle LaPorte taught me to reframe my goals not based on what I want to accomplish but how I wanted to feel. Realign your goals to the desired feeling, whatever it is. That feeling is the only way I can describe…. “happy.”
Lovingly,
Bean
