Whole Heart | Week 48 Weight Loss

Day 323. 176 pounds lost.

I hadn’t made much headway on the scale over the last week. The deeper I get into this process, I realize how very little it bothers me anymore. When you know you’re still in the game, you learn to just surrender to it. My body is ME of course, but it has a mind of its own. It hadn’t shown me the numbers I crave seeing, but it didn’t let me down this week because it showed me something else.

I was always fearful in the past of Goomba being gone because it would mean that I didn’t have help. Around the holidays this meant that I would have to wait until he returned until I could decorate because I stored all these holiday decorations in what we call the “dungeon hole.”  It’s a 9 feet by 24 feet long storage area that sits about 4 ½ feet off the ground in the basement. It’s fully carpeted and has wall to shelving. My legs were never strong enough to even think about the hoist up into that hole, let alone crawl around on my knees. The idea one year ago almost brings pain tears to my eyes just thinking of it. I’ve lived in this house for nearly 7 years and had never been inside it.  Goomba left for China but missed a few of my boxes, and there I was one night this week silently staring at this hole wondering if I could get up in there. I was actually a little nervous about it, but it was a simple step up onto a makeshift stool, and up into the room, I went. There was no struggle and nothing difficult.  I crawled around on my knees with ease, in fact, there was no pain whatsoever. I sat up in there for a couple of minutes almost exhilarated. I was so excited I could barely contain it. It’s hard to explain, but that’s a long time not to be able to see a part of your own home. I got the boxes I needed, but there I was down in that basement also wondering how I would manage to get all the Christmas stuff up to the main level on my own. I told myself that I would just do one box at a time and take a break if needed but it wasn’t necessary. Trip after trip I made that night up the stairs without too much trouble.  Over a 24-hour period, simply cleaning my home and decorating I had logged nearly 18,000 steps on my Fitbit and 33 flights of stairs.  I didn’t feel bad for not making it to the gym for two days because I was getting quite the workout at home. It was the first year since I moved here that I was able to do all of it on my own. It’s a feeling I can’t describe, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I looked at that scale in the living room, and I said – “Screw you,……………. But look what I did! Look at what I just did”…..

All the hustle and bustle was for a “Friendsgiving” I had put together. It was the first year aside from informal business networking gatherings I had for myself since I moved in. I knew I would be alone for Thanksgiving and wanted to do something that might take the stab out of it this year. When I think of a replacement for my family, I think of the community that I have been a part of this year. I drive 60 miles round trip 5 days of the week for this community, and they are the ones that inspire me and keep me going. The ones that were here and also ones invited are the ones I see most often, but also the ones I can talk lovingly and effortlessly about why they are special to me in some way. Some inspire me because of their hearts, some because they have been on journeys of their own.  One can always make me laugh, the other can always bring a smile. One has wiped my tears when I felt weak and didn’t want to keep going. One inspired this journey and another I met along the way that feels like we could have been sisters in another life.  For all of them, I am forever grateful I love them dearly.

Six weeks left of the year and I am going to do my best to hit the goal for 2017. I only know how to do things one way, with my whole heart. Whatever the outcome, I will be proud.

Lovingly, Bean