Day 510. 209 pounds lost.

I have all kinds of goals that I work on simultaneously as I also maneuver this weight loss goal. One of them was a financial goal. I figured out what I needed to get where I wanted to go, and because of this, I took on a new position back in January. I thought it was everything I ever wanted; after all, it would afford me the ability to do all the things I thought I wasn’t doing at the time I took it on. Starting rate was everything I had prayed for, and I thought life was going to be perfect. It was a hell of an adjustment, but I knew it would be. Things were fine for the first couple of weeks.

By the end of month one, I could already foresee that there were problems. There was a general understanding that I would do whatever it took to get the work done, but this was starting to mean sacrificing my off work time. I found myself working later and later each night stressing about getting to bed on time so that I could make it to my 5:30 am CrossFit class.

These occasional nights grew into the norm, and it was getting easier and easier not to go to the morning class because of how late I was staying up the night before. There was little to no positive reinforcement so an email or phone call would usually mean something wrong. It got to a point where I was getting fearful. So fearful that I would carry my work phone with me at all times and if something came in at 10:00 pm, there I was upstairs stressing and frantically trying to solve a problem so that it wouldn’t hit me in the morning. I was stressing out so much it became normal life. I slowed down on my classes and stopped doing all the things that brought Joy because I so badly wanted to prove that I could be everything they wanted me to be.

There I was; living the American dream. Stressing myself out to near nervous breakdown so that I could have and do all the things that I would never be able to do because I was too busy working. I was so emotionally drained by the end of the week it would take the entire weekend to recover. This sure was the life….

And then one particular day happened. I took two days PTO so that I could do the CrossFit podcast in California. I was asked why I was going. I was excited to tell the story because I was proud that this was part of my life. Afterall, what did I have to lose by showing them the reason I was going?  I was immediately hit with this notion that somehow this was becoming a distraction. I found myself later that evening writing an entire email on why CrossFit was a part of my life and why it was important to me. The simple fact I would need to write this was utterly mind-boggling. The night before I left I got hit with “Athena, we just want to make sure your priorities are straight.”  It hit me like a ten-pound brick that I thought about the entire time I was gone. My priorities? Whether the statement was intended this way or not, it wasn’t something I could un-hear.

Do you know how I started CrossFit? I will share. Someone came up to me one day, yanked the barbell out of my hands and told me that I didn’t belong on it and that I wasn’t ready. Was taking that first class a little spite? Sure was. Having someone tell me that I couldn’t do something was 100% motivation to do it anyway.  It wasn’t an evil kind of spite. It was more…… “let me find out on my own” kind. This bar brought me Joy.

When I look back at my life, some of my best successes have come from not listening to other people.

Eighteen months ago, professionals were telling me the only chance I had to walk and live a semi-normal life without a walker or canes was to have surgery. I was told I would be on CPAP, thyroid medication, and painkillers for the rest of my life too. Imagine where I would be if I hadn’t challenged that.

In my opinion, there is nothing worse than someone else telling you what’s possible or realistic or where your priorities should be. Joy is a hard thing to find and once you find it – there is no amount of money worth trading that for.

I have never dreamt of greener pastures in my life. It’s not who I am. If there’s no green field, I will make one myself.  I am going to move forward in life contributing to things that matter to me.

There was was only one thing do……

I am going to take each day as it comes, cause it too damn short to stress. If I start burning up that midnight oil going forward, it’s going to be because I believe in it or it’s just not getting any more of my time.

Lovingly,

Bean