Day 225. 146.5 pounds lost.
I think sometimes the people that we are naturally attracted too has something to do with our experiences. Believe me, this isn’t always the case, but it makes perfect sense. I read an article late last night, and corresponding comments about “women finding the dad bod more attractive.” Though the article didn’t really go into detail and there were a few misworded ideas, there was an instant understanding why there could be truth in this.
I have been 238+ pounds since I was 12. When I think of my tormentors and some of the worst perpetrators of my middle and high school terror, they were the six-pack, sports playing, and fit guys. They were the “pretty” people. People that you wouldn’t think would suffer from such low self-esteem to a point where they would need to belittle others to make themselves feel better. Fear and intimidation of these types of people became my experience. Is it everyone’s experience? No, but it was mine. I was never attracted to this type of person because they represented the very nucleus of my fears. It’s all about experiences. Now obviously I don’t feel the same way anymore, but part of my journey was to stare that fear in the face, and I did. God is a smart man.
As I read this article and comments, I thought of my parents. My birth father disowned me when I was nine. I had come home from school, and everything I owned was on the front lawn. Afterward, I had prayed for a dad for a long time. Most kids pray for stuff…… but I prayed for a Dad. I wanted a dad that would teach me how to fish, how to drive a car, someone that I could look up to and someone that would be my best friend. My mom met the man I now call “Dad” when I was 11. I will admit he wasn’t the choice I was expecting. Visually on the surface, even at 11, I wondered what my mom saw in this guy? He had big curly hair, obnoxious 80’s tinted glasses, his teeth were kind of a mess, and he had what we lovingly called a “Buddha belly.” He never drank beer, but he had a bowling ball in there. *chuckle*.
This poor guy did everything he could to win my mom over. I didn’t see it at first, but slowly over time it happened. He showed up on our doorstep with two dozen roses for their first official date, and the rest is history. They’ve been married for over twenty-five years.
When I think of this man, I couldn’t love someone more. I can’t help but wonder how my life could have been entirely different had my mom only focused on the surface things people see first. I look at him now and only see the good-looking man that I prayed for. God had answered my prayers, and he didn’t come packaged initially as I thought he would, but he was every bit what my mom needed and myself for that matter.
Are there women out there that would take a “dad bod” over a fit body? I suppose you’d have to dig past the pretty shit on top and get to that man’s heart. How does he treat others? Is he kind? Is he humble? Does he make you feel guilty for having flaws? Is he growth oriented? Does he view you as a partner? Does he possess all the qualities that you’d look for in someone despite a fit body or not? Does he love you just for you? Does he accept every part of you… good, bad, the ugly just the way you are… today?
If I am the only woman in the room that will look for these things first, and view the exterior as simply a bonus, then I will stand alone, proudly. There are going to be lots of people that will say “pick the pretty one first.” That’s some toxic shit right there. I say….. pick the prettiest heart first. If all else fails, pick the one that will show up on your doorstep with two dozen roses.
I love you, daddy.
Lovingly,
Bean
