Day 270. 166 pounds lost.
I expected to be down more this week weight wise, but I’m assuming it has something to do with the fact I bloat up like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man when I fly. But let’s be honest, I will take 166 pounds down any day.
I left out on my Nantucket adventure Saturday morning at 3:30 am. I was a bit nervous boarding the plane; I haven’t flown coach in almost 8 years. I never flew first class because I was accustomed to luxury, they were the only seats this butt would fit in. I walked down the aisle normally, no typical scooting myself down one leg at a time. I found my seat, threw my laptop in the upper compartment and my mind starts racing. “Was I going to fit”? Ugg. I sat down half surprised because not only did I fit, the armrest came down just fine. Surprisingly I was quite comfortable. I’m looking around half excited because surely there must be SOMEONE I can share this incredible news with! Nobody was going to give a shit at 4:00 am so I kept my excitement to myself. Afterall, I still had one more test to pass: the seatbelt. I reached for both ends of the belt and held my breath for a moment. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was have to ask for a belt extension. Had I made it far enough? I don’t know how long I sat there pondering this question, but it had to a bit. My eyes scanned around wondering if someone was watching me. I didn’t see anyone. *sigh*….. “It’s just you and me seatbelt.” I pulled the belts together and shut my eyes when all of the sudden, I heard a….. CLICK. I let out a huge, “Oh my God!” The guy next to me said, “Are you okay?” I started laughing, “Yes, I’m quite fine.” If everything else on the trip went badly, I knew at least this tiny moment made it all worth it.
Other than knowing I had a roundtrip ticket from Minneapolis to Boston, and knowing that Nantucket was the purpose of the trip, I hadn’t made any concrete plans. I wanted to go and do whatever the universe was telling me. It took me to Gloucester and Salem the day I arrived and onto Nantucket the morning of day two. I had visited the east coast so many times in previous years that I felt as if I was home when I arrived. I loved the smell of the ocean and the cool mist that comes in from offshore early in the morning or late in the evening. I loved watching boats in the “haw-buh” and the smell of seafood and “lobstahs” everywhere. Could there possibly be a heaven on earth? I am convinced this is my piece of heaven. I hope when I do get there, my part of it will look like “Cape C-awd.”
As I rode the ferry out to Nantucket, I closed my eyes a few times and told God, “Okay man…. I’m here, now what”. I felt the nudge to go for days, so amusingly, I’m looking for signs from above to tell me what I was to do when I got there. When we offloaded the ship, I saw a sign that said “Jeep Rentals.” I knew that Great Point Lighthouse
was 5 miles up the coastline and the only way to get there was via a 4×4 vehicle. I took it as a sign. But first, ….. balloons. I figured out how to get out to the lighthouse, but I needed balloons to send up in the air. I got on my phone and googled “florist” where I felt I was sure to find a few balloons and quickly discovered that they were illegal on the island. “What the holy hell” was my first thought. Now, what was I going to do! I stopped at the only grocery store on the island and as I looked to my right, and there were all these containers of fresh roses. Flowers are a bit of a love language for me, so I sat there and stared at this little bundle of long-stemmed white roses. They represented a zest for life, elegance but also innocence. They represented something living….. what could be better as a symbol of “letting go”? These were going to work perfectly!
I took the jeep, drinks, and snacks along with my roses out to the lighthouse. It was about a 45-minute ride out to
the very top of the island because there was a ten mile an hour speed limit on our now 12 PSI deflated jeep wheels on soft sand. However, it was over a half hour filled with smiles, anticipation, solid laughter, and sightseeing. I ended up sitting on that beach for over two hours talking to HIM. The five rose stems represented my life in the past, my life going forward, my career direction, family & friends, and love. When I talked each one out, I threw them out to sea and watched quietly as they fast floated away. There was an immediate sense of peace; the water was going to take those flowers to places I could not. When there are areas of my life or things within those areas that I cannot figure out I just give it to HIM. I could drive myself crazy trying to figure it all out on my own but why? I know I don’t need to.
The trip was short but good for my soul. I’ve always believed the most successful people are always taking stock of their lives; asking and reflecting. The best way to make improvements is to decide three things: what came before, what comes next, and how to get it. But to move forward, you have to assess what you have learned about yourself up to this point. I will admit I don’t know all the reasons that God led me to Nantucket last weekend, but this was the place where those valuable discussions had to take place so that moving forward is possible. Old memories were replaced with new ones so if there was a stall somewhere, that’s gone. No lookin’ back….
Lovingly,
Bean
