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My first weigh in. Hmm. I feel like maybe today I should explain a little more about where I am versus what the number looks like. The number doesn’t express how I feel that’s for sure.
I feel like a penguin when I walk. I didn’t use too, but now I feel my whole body having to compensate for my right leg. I have Blount’s disease on that side which caused a bow when I was young. Over time that bow got worse and by the time I was in my early twenties I had bone rubbing on bone. It’s got to be the most horrible feeling in the world. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Let me tell you, weight on it does not help one bit.
Some days are worse than others. My physical activity is fairly limited right now. If I put too much strain on that leg the first day, I won’t be able to walk the next. I have to pace myself seriously. Even shopping or running errands can produce fear. Sometimes I have to split them up if I can forecast a lot of walking around. Big stores like Walmart of Home Depot (for example) I have to make sure I visit when I haven’t done any physical moving that day.
Trails…. The State Fair…… those things are only a pipe dream right now. The sheer thought alone actually make my eyes water just thinking about it; all I can feel is pain.
Pain is what happens when I move, literally. Needless to say…. The idea of movement other than walking around in small doses isn’t fun. Ever. I spend most days…. Watching others live their lives. Staring out into somewhere… from my porch like I was watching…. Fireflies. Wondering…. when I get to start mine? I believed that when I moved here to Minnesota that would happen. I didn’t realize I was going to take a nose dive, hit my head and spill my guts everywhere first.
I suppose that’s why I decided to get serious. I feel like a prisoner in my home. Doc says I need surgeries on my legs to correct the bow, but they won’t touch them until I get some weight off them. Ugg. Some might classify that as critical.
Today all I’m thinking about is how to get back to me.
So here’s the first weigh in: I weigh too damn much. #whatthehell.
