Day 193. 131.5 pounds lost.
The number one question people ask me via the blog, Instagram and in person is, “What’s your secret?” as if there might be some magic cure for weight loss. I struggled with this even within the last hour as to how I was going to explain the numbers and what seemed reasonable knowing everything it took to get where I am right now. I came to the simple conclusion that I need to call bullshit on the 80/20 rule (80% diet, 20% exercise) because it forgets one very important pillar; it’s the one people don’t want to talk about but oddly the most important. In my opinion, the number should be more like 50-30-20. I firmly believe there are three pillars in weight loss; Mind and Behavior, Diet (Intuitive Eating), and Exercise (in that order). I’m going to break this up into two separate posts because there’s far too much to cover in one. My disclaimer is this: I am no nutritionist, and I am no psychologist but if you want to know what’s working for me? Here you go.
Pillar 1: Mind and Behavior
Losing weight for me was never about finding the right “diet.” It’s been about changing my life, and it had to start with my head. I made the decision to start my journey several ago by delving into the psychological side of my habits. I used food as a reward. It didn’t matter if it was a good day, an average day or a bad day. Food became the punctuation mark of every day, every emotion, every success, every loss, everything. Back in 2013, I took the first step and started seeing a therapist. Yep, let me make sure you heard me. I CHECKED MYSELF INTO A SHRINK! Nope, not afraid to say that. I needed help. Bottom line, you need to start with the one thing that controls 100% of your body; your mind. I cringed at seeing myself as “someone who goes to therapy,” because there is an automatic assumption “there’s something wrong with me.” Additionally, the idea of “being the observed” is terrifying. I get all the scary things about it, however, had I chose NOT to focus on my habits and childhood issues in therapy there is no way I would be strong enough to be taking risks and doing the things I am able to do now because I made peace with my past and who I am. If you don’t believe me, look at the entire cast list of the Biggest Loser through all the seasons. 70% gained the weight back! Why is this? Because you can’t be successful long term unless you fix YOUR SHIT *pointing at my head as I write this*. Now, not all of you have dramatic childhood stories, but to some degree, something caused the weight problem in the first place. That’s what you need to get to the bottom of. Otherwise, your chance of long term success is small. The mental part of weight loss is the most important. Your mind is what drives all of your decisions and your choices; if it isn’t in the right place, your choices won’t be either.
You have to be mentally strong to make good decisions. You have to be mentally strong to stick with a rigorous plan. You have to be mentally strong to get your ass up every day and do it, even when you don’t want too. You have to be mentally strong enough to stand by your goals and defend them at all costs. You have to become a f-ing warrior or it won’t work. You don’t get cheat days. You don’t get to binge drink every weekend. You don’t get to roll over in the morning and say “ehhhh I don’t want to go”. If you can’t do these things, you aren’t ready. How bad do you want it?
After therapy, I transitioned to a life coach. How do you know your “done” with therapy? I’m not sure there’s a magic answer, but I do know that I got to a point where I could talk about my past and childhood more factually. It didn’t bother me to share, and I could be very open with it. There were no more open sores, and it didn’t hurt anymore. Therapy focuses on the past, whereas life coaching focuses on the future. I had to transition to my future once I had dealt with my past. Figuratively speaking, having my coaching session every week allows me to set aside the time I need to sit at an empty desk and draw my big picture on a clean slate. I am able to see more clearly beyond the daily clutter and gain a better perspective on where I want to go and things I want to do. My coach helps me work through the fear, resistance and overwhelm that does pop up, especially since I am trying to create a brand new exciting me. It is a bit scarey I will admit. ????
Lastly, I embraced my love for God which is something I never fully took in until last year. This was part of getting my head right. I knew God would love me at any size, but embracing HIM has helped me understand that I need to become a good steward of my body. As I am learning to build my health through following Godly wisdom my weight is taking care of itself. My faith helps guide me daily when I struggle to keep on track. I know that surrendering and asking God for help works. I am living proof that there truly is a tangible and real Higher Power that will help if you ask. I was blessed with wisdom beyond anything I knew about how to eat and what I needed to do. We’ll talk about intuitive eating tomorrow.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Do you want a cure? Start with your mind and everything will follow from there.
Lovingly,
Bean.
The answer is inside you. I struggled 20 years. You have the answers, here’s to allowing yourself to do the work. Onward.